I spent a month as a sugar baby to rich ‘daddies’ who paid my way
They bought me a Chanel bag and even paid my overdraft off in one go
The idea of dating websites purely for girls looking for “sugar daddies” or young males looking for “sugar mamas” is a fairly old phenomenon now and has been around for several years. I’d never paid much attention to it, but as a broke student I turned to a sugar daddy. I set up a profile on seekingarrangement.com after I decided to cut my losses and see if there really was a way of making the dollar without having to leave my room aside from being wined and dined by someone old enough to be my father.
The website and process might seem seedy, but actually it was pretty strict. I was surprised at how exclusive and cautious it was — I had to submit a form of ID and a picture of myself holding a sign with the website’s name on it to prove I was real before being accepted. I also had to list my “desired financial situation” and what allowance I expected from men before waiting 48 hours to be verified.
In the two day wait I mentally decided I would only pursue the sugar baby lifestyle for a month, and the sense of finality, knowing it was temporary, really give me the kick of confidence I needed to go through with it.
Within minutes, my inbox was pinging with messages from various suitors, all over the age of 40. It was weird. I wasn’t quite sure how to behave and what to do, because unlike apps like Tinder, these men weren’t after tits and naked pictures — they just wanted conversation.
I’m not here to expose people who messaged me. They wanted companionship. Some had families. But I was surprised at the reaction I got. I was prepared to delete my account within minutes because of the negative reaction, but there was something oddly pleasant about intelligent conversation with an Oxford educated hedge fund banker with an interest in Plato. Slightly different to your standard Tinder messages.
I’ve been on the site now for little over a month and I’m significantly richer just through wining and dining with rich men. It’s a surreal experience, but I thought it would be far more uncomfortable than it actually is. I decided not to have sex with the men I dated, but it was still really liberating. As a sugar baby you can sleep with your suitors if you want, but I chose not too because I think it’s too much like prostitution. I wasn’t sexually attracted to any of them, they were just people I enjoyed conversation with, and being a bit of a foodie, I loved getting to visit restaurants I’d never be able to afford myself.
My favourite person to spend time with was “Plato” (not his real name). He frequently bought me first class train tickets to London for the occasional evening where we would spend time in a restaurant and just talk. We both shared a mutual love for coffee so he also paid for a membership to a coffee club where I’m sent new blends of coffee on a weekly basis.
Each “daddy” on the site has a different preference for payment. Some prefer gifts, some straight out cash but it’s always done in a way that doesn’t feel too sketchy. No back alley deals here. One of my male suitors even paid off my overdraft in one swoop.
Of course, I got on better with some of them, I could discuss culture and literature with them because of my degree, and was rewarded with a Chanel handbag for my efforts. I felt like I had been thrown headfirst into one of those romance novels with the half naked male on the cover (although in this case, they were often wearing suits).
During the course of my month or so as a “sugar baby” I went on about ten dates with three different guys, each fully aware that there was nothing exclusive about this whatsoever (some of them had wives), but each time I was littered with gifts and in return I held intelligent conversation or sat patiently while they talked about their day at work.
At the end of the night we would part ways and if I was feeling particularly generous, they got a kiss on the cheek. It’s an unusual arrangement and I felt the occasional pang of guilt as I realised they were heading back home to sleep in the same bed as their wife but I knew they hadn’t been unfaithful with me. Whether they were doing it with someone else was another story.
Despite the arrangement looking suspicious to an outsider, I had nothing to hide and I told my parents and family. There was an initial hint of upset but once I showed them the messages — they realised that I was paying my bills by having dinner with men who needed someone on their elbow to feel a bit better about themselves. Of course they didn’t approve, but they’ve accepted it and moved on.
Talking to people about the whole sugar dating scene has been interesting. There are people out there who use it as a high paid prostitution service but I was determined to see if I could make it work for myself in my own way. And I did — making more in a month than I would have ever done in a part time job which fitted in with university.
Eventually the month passed and I ended these “relationships” because I could feel my genuine social life and university life slipping through my fingertips. I needed to prioritise my friends and not be glued to my phone at all hours in case I got a text and had to leg it to the train station. It’s tiring constantly trying to look my best for rich daddies, and I missed my fair share of lectures.
It was great for the month but could I keep doing it? Not while I wanted a degree.