Saucy garter with secret pockets means you’ll never have to carry a bag again

Going to the loo was interesting

bag clutch Drinking garter handbag night out sassy stash

If you’re the one who’s always losing her clutch on a night out, a garter which doubles up as a bag is the perfect solution.

Sassy Stash is new to the UK, promising to rescue those who find keeping track of their bag just too much. The idea is revolutionary, and the thought of having two free hands to flail about whenever Beyoncé comes on is extremely appealing. Gone are the days of awkwardly bopping around a pile of bags and coats: the dancefloor can have your complete attention.

In theory.

Is this the future of the clutch?

Is this the future of the clutch?

Wrapped and ready to go

Wrapped and ready to go

The “one size fits most” garter has five pockets designed to store your cards, lippy, phone and anything else you’d normally carry. Except “one size fits most” is more like one size fits size eight –– I could just about get it round the top of my thigh and wondered if my leg would be blue by the end of the night.

It’s no surprise then that the attractive lacy design stayed firmly in place, and it did look very sexy. But even though it might be secure, it’s definitely not versatile when it comes to what you can wear it with. I instantly had to rule out body-cons, mini-skirts, trousers and leather leggings –– all classic clubbing staples –– leaving either a maxi-dress or a skater skirt as my outfit du jour.

Where was all this going to go?

Where was all this going to go?

I got dressed in a mid-thigh length skater skirt which just about covered it up, and started stuffing the garter with the essentials. Key rings were removed and purse emptied, but in the stress of clearing out my bag, I stupidly forgot to pack my ID. I also had to leave the mountains of make-up I’d usually cram into my bag, and I decided to carry my Oyster card in hand instead. The thought of flashing the bus driver my thigh, and probably my knickers, as I fumbled about trying to get my Oyster out was too much.

As I legged it to the bus stop, Oyster safely in sight, the security of the garter surprised me. It didn’t slip, although I was conscious everyone behind me had a good view as I was trotting up stairs, trying to cover it up. It wasn’t uncomfortable when I sat down, but not having a bag to look out for did take some getting used to. My outfit was missing a good bag.

As long as no one was behind me going up some stairs, it remained safely out of sight

As long as I wasn’t going up any stairs, it remained safely out of sight

Queuing for the club, I nervously watched the bouncers tap down the guys and search the girls’ bags. Was I suspicious because I didn’t have a bag? Would they tap me down too? Nope. I walked straight in: no search –– and no ID –– necessary. The Sassy Stash would be perfect for festivals, or other occasions where you might want to escape a bag search…

Next stop, the bar. Yes I could throw my hands in the air like I just didn’t care, but having to stick my hands up my skirt and fumble around for a bit, trying to locate my debit card, was nothing short of awkward. They probably thought I’d just got a bit bored waiting to be served.

Excuse me while I just get my money out

Excuse me while I just get my money out

Missing a statement clutch </3

Missing a statement clutch

As the night wore on and the drinks were flowing, the embarrassment didn’t go away. At one point I decided to go to the bathroom to try and get my card out discreetly in advance, but in the hurry to get there I slid half way across the dancefloor and landed flat on my arse.

To its credit, not only does the Sassy Stash stay very much in place, the top of the pockets are also nice and tight. I had visions of flushing my phone and scraps of make-up down the toilet by accident, but they didn’t even budge. They also didn’t spill everywhere when I spectacularly fell over.

The Sassy Stash might be a good idea, but having to convince confused onlookers I wasn’t trying to finger myself every time I wanted to fish out my money to pay for a drink definitely wasn’t worth the agg. I can see how useful it could have been at carnival or festivals, but will it ever replace my clutch on a night out? Probably not.