Freshers, everyone dresses like this at uni
In with the old, out with the new
Your mum has got the fancy utensils you’ll never need sorted, now all you have to worry about is your new look.
University is a time to experiment, find yourself –– which usually means becoming a hipster in an attempt to be different, but actually ending up looking like everyone else. You’ll keep trying to pull off a bucket hat (you never will), and anything with holes in is your new wardrobe staple.
Surely wearing the same pair of shoes to a grimy nightclub, lectures, seminars, predrinks, the library, the health centre, the supermarket, the gym, the pub, the park and just about everywhere else you could possible imagine sounds a bit excessive?
It’s not. You never take these off. What happens if they get wet, smelly and gross? You keep them on.
It’s almost a competition when you have white trainers as to who can make theirs the filthiest. Cleaning them is a sin. See them as a canvas. It’s your chance to express creativity, every scuff is a paint stroke on your masterpiece.
Thanks to 50 Shades, choking is sooo in right now. But you can’t just wear a choker on its own: you have to wear it with a certain look. It’s a mix between “I spend a lot of time in Shoreditch” and “I have a rubbish sense of direction so I need a collar just like my dog”.
There are two types of people in this world: those who pull off the full length dungarees without making them look like oversized baby grows, and those who opt out and go for the shorts.
The length of your dungarees is directly proportional to how much you’re willing to commit to the look. It’s like at school the cool girls wore their skirts as high as possible, at uni the hipsters wear their dungarees full length.
Full length girl buys her clothes from charity shops on Brick Lane, listens to Jamie xx and only takes photos on her polaroids. The shorts girl shops in Topshop and spent £40 on her dungarees because she wants to look just like her idol Taylor Swift.
Nothing quite says “fuck you Mummy and Daddy I’m my own person now (but I didn’t get a tattoo so please don’t cut me off)” quite like getting a new piercing.
Generally speaking the more holes the better. This doesn’t just apply to your ear, everything in your wardrobe should be covered in holes. You’re at uni now, your life and wardrobe should appear to be falling to pieces.
Anything you wore aged five
Remember when your mum dressed you up in onsies and frilly socks? Your fashion sense peaked then. It’s all downhill from there.
Instead of moving on with your life, it’s time to try and dress exactly the same. Jelly sandals included.
If you don’t have a backpack, don’t bother coming to uni. You thought all you needed were good A level grades? So did we. We’re wrong. Carrying your shit in a regular bag is so sixth form.
Although you don’t actually have a boyfriend (because finding someone who you can actually connect with is impossible), you can still dress like you have one.
Find jeans which don’t fit you and a shirt which drowns your figure and you’re sorted.
Girls who can pull off beanies deserve awards. They can disguise any bad hair day with a beanie. Beanies aren’t dependent on the seasons either, it’s the middle of August and they can still get away with wearing them.
Added to any regular outfit, a beanie can add some serious edge. But it’s important to note they definitely aren’t for everyone. Without some killer sass, you’re just going to look like a smurf.
If you try too hard, you lose. You shouldn’t try at all. Ever. Even reading this article is too much. You should just give up. It’s only then, when you are completely devoid of all hope and happiness, you might be considered hipster.