Unis waste our cash on ‘pointless’ research and not enough time teaching

Top research includes noisy sex and how to make the perfect cup of tea


Our unis are obsessing over their research reputations instead of teaching students, according to a new report.

They have blown cash on figuring out how to make the perfect tea and discussing how loud sex should be.

Budgets are being “distorted” away from our education, meaning we are not getting the most out of uni, warns the Institute of Economic Affairs.

They say uni boffins focus far too much energy and resources on research which leads to staff cutting back on “bread-and-butter undergraduate teaching”.

The angry think-tank hit out at Research Excellence Framework, the board which assesses the research from all UK unis and influences their funding decisions – which they say should be scrapped.

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Unis are spending too much money on their own research

This comes after growing calls that we’re not getting value for money on our £9000 a year courses, especially now maintenance grants have been sidelined.

Researchers also warned our unis are focusing too much on their research reputations mostly for marketing purposes.

But this is only “promoting the vanity of a handful of staff” and “misleads” students, as “few research successes are presented as typical for the institution as a whole”.

Len Shackleton, one of the authors of the report, told the Daily Telegraph: “The REF determines the allocation of a small amount of money – less than £1.5 billion – and yet it involves huge costs for universities and distorts priorities.

“One estimate put the cost of the REF exercise at two-thirds of the total amount of money it allocated.
“The REF leads to the dog of university teaching, scholarship and research to be wagged by the tail of particular types of research activity.”

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Apparently research just ‘promotes the vanity of a handful of staff’

He added: “Academics focus on getting papers in particular journals rather than genuine scholarship. At the institutional level, universities spend huge amounts of resources trying to raise their REF ranking very often trying to game the system.”

Back in 2013 Leeds Uni researchers apparently discovered louder sex is always better.

For some reason intrepid scientists went out to prove your housemate who keeps you awake at all hours really is having more fun than you.

By asking 71 girls to report on the noises they make during sex, uni researchers revealed 94 per cent shout louder than the boys.

On the more innocent end of pointless research, thirsty Leicester maths students found the equation for the perfect cup of tea.