How to get over 100 likes on your graduation status
If it’s not on Facebook, did it actually happen?
As the end of final year approaches, graduands are often left with a weight on their shoulders that can’t be shifted. No, it’s not your impending degree classification – it’s the fact that you’ll want to brag about it without looking like a dick.
But don’t fret. Follow this comprehensive guide to degree statuses before you even think about emulating your mates’ pathetic attempt of “2:1 yay!”
Remember: it’s not worth it unless you get 100+ likes.
Be painfully specific about your course, uni and grade
Make sure you deliver all the dry details in as many words as possible whilst spelling out your degree class and your university in a mix of upper and lower case. You’ve never spelt them like this before and never will again, but who cares? It looks professional.
This is also the only time outside of your soon-to-be-updated CV that you’ll be able to say “First Class BA (Hons)” and look like you know what it means, so make sure you use it to your advantage.
A “must have been a mistake lol” afterthought will make you look self-deprecating and down-to-earth, and in no way like you’ve spent the hour since you found out your results thinking of a way you can boast without looking like you’re trying to.
Others that work include saying that you weren’t expecting this at all, or making your result merely a side note to a funny anecdote. Think: “I was getting a haircut this morning when I found out I’d got a 1st. I screamed so much the barber jumped and almost cut my bloody ear off!”. That’ll do nicely.
Use these buzzwords
Make sure you tack on a reference to how much of a “blast” you’ve had at your given university and how “proud” you are, thanking the institution for all the “socialising” you’ve done there over the last three years despite how “stressful” it was.
Likewise, try and mention as many BNOC mates, uni buildings, notorious lecturers or popular modules as you can to maximise your outreach.
Let everyone know where you’re celebrating
You don’t just want to inform everyone that you’re bloody clever, you also want to shove it in their face how much of a beaut life you have to match. Do this by featuring any of the following: a beach selfie, some overly-tanned legs, an expensive-looking cocktail or a heavily-sedated tiger.
Soon they’ll know that you truly can have it all.
Use quirky jokes
Now is the time to break out that hilarious gif or witty quote you’ve been saving since the first day of freshers’ week. Make them chuckle and they’ll wish they could nail the mix of self-satire and nonchalance that you’ve so obviously perfected.
Go on about how hard it was
Uni is hard, right? The merciless lectures, the endless slogs in the library, the late-night exam cramming sessions – it’s difficult. And if your Facebook friends didn’t already know this, then make sure they do. Include some kind of reference to “tears” or it being a “rollercoaster ride”, and feature an exact breakdown of the length of time it took to get your degree.
Note: this will only work for degrees like Law or Medicine. Nobody is going to believe you cried over the three contact hours in your English BA.
Reference your parents
Ranking high on the cute/schmaltzy scale, referencing the smothering proudness of your parents in a celebration of your results is a surefire way to distract from your incessant boasting.
See also: proud statuses by mums, which you can make sure you’re tagged in. They’ll never know you forced her to post it.
Scared that people won’t believe you? No matter. Just upload a screenshot of the formal result itself from your university site, eradicating any lingering doubt amongst your enemies and showing off how many splendid middle names you have to boot.
Trust us, no-one will know how much time you spent doctoring it on Microsoft Paint.
There’s something admirable about the bravado of someone who can just straight up admit they smashed it. I mean, it’s the only reason anyone does these anyway. Bonus points for a reference to the fact you didn’t do any work, the amount of lectures you missed, or the sick job you’ve got lined up after.
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