How to handle the rejection of not pulling on a night out

Bouncers and DJ’s are judging you

No matter how good looking or smooth you are, you’ll always have at least one night a year (probably a lot more) where you haven’t pulled. Maybe you’re not what they’re looking for, maybe you’ve got a funny accent, maybe their mates don’t like you.

What follows is a truly nightmarish situation. All your mates still have a shot and you’ve still got hours left in the club. Who can help you get through it in your hour of need? Who can help convince you all is not lost? Relationship experts and your mum might be able to massage your bruised ego, but only the true clubbing experts, the DJ’s, the bouncers, the bartenders, see losers like you striking out every night and know how to deal with it.

Listen to their advice, keep yourself entertained, and salvage your lonely night.


Who needs girls when you have beers and parties


Regroup with your friends

So they might be doing slightly better than you are right now, but unless it’s a traffic light party, its unlikely all your friends have pulled. Every group separates at some point in the club, whether it’s to pee, get a drink, or because they saw some friends from their course and got swallowed by a crowd of people, not to be seen again until the next day.

You felt like you didn’t need them before, when you were trying to pull, but now you need them. Go on a pilgrimage – find them, text them, wander around aimlessly, light the bat signal if you need to. But there’s nothing worse than seeing someone standing on the edge of the dancefloor, lonely and dejected.


Ain’t nobody fuckin’ with my clique, clique, clique

Befriend a bouncer

What if you can’t find your friends? You’re going to have to make some, and the bouncers are a great place to start. Bouncers get a bad rep – it seems like they’re just there to ruin your night. But actually they’re just watching your attempts with detached amusement.

Craig, a bouncer at The Assosciation in Chesterfield, told us: “I like to play bingo.”

“Me and the guys write down all the things we think will happen, like someone getting chucked out, not pulling, or when a certain song will come on. It’s good fun.”

Harmless giants, bouncers have seen it all before. If you’ve struck out on the dancefloor and can’t find your friends, ditch the inside sharpish. Hang out by the door with the bouncers, complaining about your life to their sympathetic ears. Just don’t sound too drunk, or they might just kick you out to go nurse your ego at home.

Make new friends, your old ones are shit

Sometimes your friend’s are occupied, maybe they’re trying to stop a fight, or one them’s had a bit too much to drink, either way they’re unavailable at the moment. All of a sudden you hear “HEY” and are locked in a hug, before you even know who it is.

You’ve come back from chatting to your friendly neighbourhood bouncers now, but it’s all gone wrong. You wanted some support, but your so-called mates are preoccupied. Maybe they’re trying to stop a fight, maybe one of them’s had a bit too much to drink. Either way, they can’t be bothered with consoling you, so ditch them.

Wander to the bar and find the person you vaguely know from your tutorial and usually don’t mind hanging out with. Suddenly they’re a lot more tolerable now you’re drunk, funny that.


Ahh friend

Leo, a Chesterfield based DJ says: “A lot of guys come in here to pull, then fail, and while they’re drowning their sorrows at the bar they’ll strike up a conversation with someone else in the same boat. They leave with a new friend, and maybe a new wingman.”

Dance the night away

Controversial topic, but some people go to a club just to dance and have a good time. Best to just forget about finding a partner and throw shapes on your own.

Tom, a media student at Lincoln and serial clubber said: “I don’t go out to pull. I go out to have a good night. I never usually approach girls unless they approach me. I think pulling in clubs is a bit weird”.

Save your dough

You haven’t managed to secure a bae for the night, but deal with it by thinking on the bright side. You’re saving on buying strangers drinks, on getting a taxi with them, on the financial and emotional turmoil of navigating yourself back from theirs in the morning. Your pockets are now filled with cash you can use to buy drinks, or even better, food at the end of the night. What keeps you warmer than some 6/10 from the club in your bed? Leftover McNuggets.


Food is love

Emma, a bartender at Moo Bar in Chesterfield said: “I spot a lot of guys in here wasting money buying drinks for girls. I see it all the time, and I can always tell by the look on the girl’s face it isn’t going to go anywhere. Those guys could be having a much better night if they weren’t wasting it queuing for someone they just met.”

Bet on the odds

Just because your friend is the one pulling doesn’t mean they have to have all the fun. Get your ladbrokes on and place bets on the results. Will they get a phone number? Who’s house are they heading back to? What course does new bae do? Play for fun or raise the stakes to make things interesting, shots usually go down well.


‘I’m going all in’