VICTORY: Scores return to FIFA following Tab boycott as Blatter resigns
It’s over – we won
Jubilant gamers across the country are rejoicing as The Tab’s boycott has forced Sepp Blatter to step down as President of world football.
The loathed Swiss announced his resignation just moments ago – as scores more students joined the cause to destroy their copies of the FIFA game.
Ben Foreman, a UCL second year and a champion of the cause who snapped and burned his copy of FIFA, said: “I’m even happier than when crystal palace got promoted in 2013.
“It was the right decision and I’m glad we can finally go back to enjoying the game again.
“I’m trying to glue my copy back together, but it’s a bit burnt.”
Following The Tab’s campaign to get students to stop playing the game, Blatter blew the whistle on his tenure.
He said: “I will organise extraordinary congress for a replacement for me as president. I will not stand.”
Here are just some of the heroes who joined the boycott in the last few days.
Tom Little, 19, St Hugh’s Oxford fresher
“The main thing I have against FIFA is that the World Cup always distracts me from exams. If you’re going to do that, at least stand for some sort of good in the world.”
Brad Deas, 20, Nottingham second year
“I feel it’s time for us to break away from FIFA and create our own organisation that is above even the FA. We cannot stand by while such inept management persists when corruption is so rife.”
Joshua Zitser, 20, Edinburgh fresher
“Damn you FIFA. Damn you Sepp Blatter. Make way for Prince Ali.”
Phil Lawson, 20, Warwick second year
“I wouldn’t say I know everything about Blatter’s corruption, but I do know this. Next time I concede a last-minute winner after having triple the shots on target, I’m gonna go fucking mental. Burning my copy of FIFA was hard, but necessary for my sanity. Onwards and upwards to PES.”
Harry Low, 19, Nottingham fresher
“After the scandals, it’s just not been the same between FIFA and I. It’s not so much FIFA, it’s just a problem that I now have with FIFA. Once the cheatings occurred I just don’t see how I’ll be able to move onto FIFA 16. They say the best way to get over some game is to play another game, hello PES.”
Ben Foreman, 20, UCL fresher
“Football is a sport that unites every continent in the world and FIFA therefore represents not only the sport, but ultimately the global population as a whole. In a world which often lacks humanity and intercontinental harmony, it’s a shame one of the few uniting aspects of our lives is governed by a corrupt and narcissistic dictator who ruins it for everyone.”
George Hones, 21, Loughborough finalist
“As much as I love the smooth controls, the comprehensive licensing and addictive skill games, supporting a company as blatantly corrupt as the clusterfuck that is FIFA seems wrong to me.
“The company is a complete shambles, run by ludicrously corrupt officials that run a dictatorship under the guise of a democracy. Sepp Blatter is a slimy onion of a man.”
Will Lloyd, 21, Bristol third year
“We need to take back our beautiful game from the grotesque class of plutocrats who are poisoning it.”
Bobby Palmer, 21, Leeds finalist
“I’ve put my copy of FIFA where you can find the current state of football.”
Dan Jardine, 19, Trent second year