Meet the students who’ve never had a relationship
‘I still wouldn’t go on a date without booze’
We’ve all got that mate who’s never had a boyfriend or girlfriend.
It’s a life void of tedious Facebook official relationships, and for most, centered around having regular smashed sex.
Newcastle grad Gus CB admits: “I graduated in 2013 and never had sex sober at uni, except maybe one or two morning fumbles still half-drunk.”
Gus, who studied Politics and History, said his situation was “uncommon”.
“It’s very rare I see people of the opposite sex in a social environment when I’m not drunk to be honest.”It just would never occur to me to text a girl during the day. Like if I saw a girl it would be in a group environment in a pub. If I wasn’t hungover I was on the piss like most.”
He admits: “I went for drinks with a girl once. But by the time I fucked her I was flying.
“I probably date more but I still wouldn’t go on a date without booze. Even if I’d been seeing a girl for ages.”
Birmingham fresher Christina Feng says: “I haven’t had sex drunk or sober but I don’t think it’s a good idea to have sex drunk.
“If I meet someone who likes me and I like him back, then I would have sex with him. Although I would feel a greater degree of trust if I had sex in a relationship.”
The Law first year says she has “mixed feelings” about being perpetually single.
“On the upside it means I can flirt with whoever I want and there isn’t commitment. But the downside is there isn’t someone special who I can share good times with.
“My opinion is: don’t worry if you are single really, just enjoy the freedom while you still can.”
20-year-old Nottingham second year George Highton says most people are “shocked” when he tells them he’s never been in a relationship.
“Other people always act like it’s really weird and they’re shocked when you tell them. I think it’s normal.”
The Ancient History student says: “I’ve never met the right person, normally after three dates I’m just bored. I’m very picky.”
But is there anything wrong with just having drunk sex at uni? Relate sex therapist and relationship counsellor Denise Knowles warns that regular drunk sex might be setting up a pattern for life after graduation.
“I hear a lot of people saying ‘I’d like to have sex but I’m really anxious, I really don’t know how I’m going to be able to do it because I’m not enjoying it as much and I need a drink to relax before hand’.
“It can affect your adult life and relationships after university. When you’ve had a drink you’re not yourself. A lot of people say ‘I’ve had a drink but I would never have behaved like that when I was sober’, or with others it’s ‘Oh it was because I drank that I had sex’ so they use it as an excuse to have sex.
“If you use alcohol as an aid and/or excuse those are the sorts of behaviours that can follow you into adulthood.”
According to Denise, getting around never having had a relationship comes with looking at why you’re single.
She says: “If you’ve never had one, you have to ask has it been through choice or has it been something you wanted which just never happened really.
“If it’s the former there’s nothing to worry about really because you’ve made the choice to develop your time in different ways. It’s not uncommon for people to tell me about it in counselling sessions.”
For those who haven’t ended up perpetually single through choice, Denise asks: “What are you really looking for and what do you have to offer? How are you coming across? If you’re coming across as really needy then that might be very offputting for somebody, if you’re coming across as being too strong and independent that could also put somebody off.”
She recommends changing your approach, and being “realistic” in what you expect from another person.
“If it’s something that’s causing you distress, you need to talk to someone about it. You may well have not have one specific special person, but if you’ve got loads of friends, if you’ve been able to socialise, that might have been enough.”
Denise also advises against having drunken one-night-stands, instead arguing for “potent” love making.
She says: “When you’re drunk you put yourself in a position where you take more risks. You put yourself in a position where you’re less likely to say no – for both men and women.
“The other thing is you have sex with someone you wouldn’t ordinarily have sex with, so they’ll also feel less inhibited and feel like they can take liberties. You could have sex in a place that in itself is dangerous.”
She explains: “It might be when you don’t have a long term one to one relationship with has a frisson of excitement about it as well, which you perceive in a normal relationship wouldn’t be there.”
Denise claims those who continually have drunk sex may lack body confidence, have trust issues, or rely on alcohol as the blame for poor performance.
“You can say ‘oh it’s because I was drunk and I wasn’t firing on all cylinders’, if anyone criticises you you can just say it was the alcohol.
“Equally if you get it right, you think ‘I need the alcohol to get it right’.
“If you want sex to be really good, and really enjoy it, you should experience it in a relationship. It might appear dull or boring on the outside, but really, you can tell them what you like and how you like it and when you like it. Somebody wants you, for you, not because they or you look different through a drunken haze.