Who will you be when you graduate? A national poll has predicted your future and it looks sad
How uni is your uni?
Stop imagining who you’ll become when you graduate – a national polling company has done it for you.
Boffin researchers at YouGov have profiled people who went to your uni, and found out character traits likely to be true for them.
Now they can predict your lifestyle, opinions, favourite food, TV – even the pet you’ll probably own.
And to be honest, your future looks bum-out.
We picked out the best bits to show the sort of passionless sod you’ll inevitably grow into.
Here’s what you’ll be when you leave Aberdeen: right of centre and working in the military. Your favourite food is now tofu and you’re most likely to own a fish as a pet.
Personality: Confident, sociable and independently-minded but proud, hesitant and quiet
Interest and hobbies: DIY, fishing and religion and spirituality
Brands: Mini Cheddars, McCoy’s, Kettle, Jacob’s, DHL, Fox’s, Fedex and Häagen-Dazs
Music: Jennifer Lopez
Celeb: Ainsley Harriott
Grad life looks bleak: you’re right-wing to the point of lunacy, most likely to have a cat as a pet and your favourite dishes are sticky toffee pudding and a full English.
Personality: Efficient, principled and thinking but introvert, procrastinating and quick-tempered
Interest and hobbies: Singing, going to the cinema and musical instruments
Brands: First Great Western, Kenco, John West, Knorr, Colman’s, Loyd Grossman, Windows, Paypal, YouTube and Homepride
Film: Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
TV: Soccer Saturday
Music: Manic Street Preachers
Celeb: Imelda Staunton
Leaving Birmingham, you’re likely to get a grey-suited job in law or education. Favourite dishes are steamed dumplings and vegetarian bangers and mash, possibly enjoyed with the dog you have.
Personality: Forgiving, charitable and loyal but zero conscientiousness, negative points for humour and dependability
Interests and hobbies: Driving, going on day trips and musical instruments
Brands: Virgin holidays, Lastminute.com, Hewlett-Packard, ITV, Saga, Thorntons, National Rail and First Great Western
TV: Downton Abbey
Celeb: Lynda Bellingham
No surprises: at Bristol, you’re obnoxiously left wing and living off your parents’ pocket money – up to £1000 per month. You eat steak and kidney pie and stuffed aubergine and are likely to own a fish. Combined, this makes you a loathsome weasel.
Personality: Sensible, reliable and good listener but moody, untidy and introvert
Interest and hobbies: Cooking, nature and sustainability charities
Brands: Radio 4, Paperchase, HMV, BHS, ITV Sport, Mothercare, Sky, Kiddiecare and Robert Dyas
TV: The Great British Bake Off
Music: Paul Simon
Celeb: James Caan
You are approachably centrist with lots of disposable income thanks to your job in architecture or education. You like eating chicken kalia and roquefort quiche. You have a cat.
Personality: Funny, analytical and kind but neurotic, lazy and introvert
Interest and hobbies: Trekking, intellectual property and Florence (the city)
Brands: Intel, John Lewis, NFL, South West Trains, Formula 1, Marmite, 2016 Olympics in Rio and the French Open
Film: Girl with a Pearl Earring
TV: The Honourable Woman
Music: Robert Plant
Celeb: Evan Davis
You’re going to become a leftie working in energy, research or entertainment before coming home to Sicilian aubergine stew, Korean fishcakes and your pet dog.
Personality: Clever, firm and well-educated but hesitant, nerdy and careful
Interest and hobbies: Chess, ballet and fashion
Brands: Premiership Rugby, Radio 1, Panasonic, Post Office, Thorntons, Acer and LG
Film: Legally Blonde
TV: Ugly Betty
Music: Spice Girls
Celeb: Alan Sugar
Like Durham, you’re left of centre and going to work in research, charity or law. Your favourite dishes are lentil casserole and African ground nut stew and you own a pet fish.
Personality: Funny, polite and sensitive but silly, proud and gloomy
Interest and hobbies: Scrabble, development charities and fair trade
Brands: Irn Bru, Toshiba, Beck’s, HP Sauce, Bombay Sapphire, Greggs, Safari and Hotmail
Film: Apocalypse Now
TV: The Graham Norton Show
Music: Grace Jones
Celeb: Robert Carlyle
When you leave Exeter you’re set to work in travel, charity or media and have at least £1000 spare per month. You stuff yourself with mushroom bhajis and pasta salad, while your pet bird taunts you from its horrid cage.
Personality: Trustworthy, practical and busy but control freaky and impatient
Interest and hobbies: Fishing, property and ballet
Brands: Maoam, Mentos, Fox’s, Fruitella, Smint, Terry’s, Guylian, Bendicks, Chupa Chups and Chewits
Film: Pirates of the Caribbean 4
TV: Great British Railway Journeys
Music: Paul McCartney
Celeb: Kim Bodnia from The Bridge
You’re going to become reliably centre with a respectable job in gardening, hospitality or marketing. Minestrone and haggis are your favourite dishes and you have a dog.
Personality: Great performer, good company and sensitive but arrogant, grumpy and moody
Interest and hobbies: Birdwatching, Celtic FC and spending time with family
Brands: RBS, Ikea, Marks and Spencer, Thorntons, Mars, Baxters, Olay, Wickes and Werthers
Film: King Kong
Music: Paolo Nutini
Celeb: Angelina Jolie
You’re going to work in marketing, healthcare or entertainment and have less than £125 to spend each month. Club sandwiches and prawn crackers are your favourite food and you have a pet bird.
Personality: Thoughtful, agreeable and funny but quiet, abrupt and lacking in self-confidence
Interest and hobbies: Birdwatching, horse racing and personal finance
Brands: Radox, Sanex, Pantene, Dove, Sensodyne, Johnson and Johnson and E45
TV: Top Gear
Music: Paolo Nutini
Celeb: Jeff Bridges
Go to Imperial and you’ll be sorted: a hotshot job in research, consulting in law with over £1000 spare money each month. You laughingly look down less successful grads as you spit out crumbs of your favourite fish tacos and roast pheasant while stroking your pet cat.
Personality: Introspective, analytical and wacky but cold, introvert and over-sensitive
Interest and hobbies: Human rights charities, homelessness and spending time with partners
Brands: HMV, Argos, PC World, Curry’s, Ernest Jones, BHS, Halfords and Carpet Right
Film: Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone
TV: Robin Hood
Celeb: Neil Patrick Harris
Look forward to a job in accounting, hospitality or government with a fat wad of £1000 to spend each month and some right wing opinions. Feed yourself with pâté and Greek meatballs, finding comfort from your pet cat.
Personality: Good company, adaptable, leader but untidy and lacking self confidence
Interest and hobbies: Sports, health charities and parenting
Brands: Epsom Derby, Barclay’s, Ryanair, Panasonic, Grand National, Nintendo, Xbox, Lurpak
Film: Wolf of Wall Street
TV: Judge John Deed
Music: Kate Bush
Celeb: Russell Crowe
Welcome to Liverpool: you’ll graduate into accounting, business or law with some radical left wing views. You eat saag paneer, risotto and sea bass and you love your dog.
Personality: Communicative, compete and challenging but tactless, confrontational and strong-willed
Interest and hobbies: Chess, computer programming and motoring
Brands: Gala Bingo, Paddy Power, The Health Lottery, Foxy Bingo, Universal Studios Orlando, Betfred, Mecca Bingo, Coral
Film: X-Men Days of Future Past
TV: Sky Sports News
Music: Leonard Cohen
Celeb: David Jason
After a degree from LSE, you will become so right wing you will consider growing a small moustache not extending wider than your nostrils, and not just for Movember. You hide your fascist beliefs at work in consulting, finance or accounting and are able to bankroll underground movements with your monthly spare cash of at least £1000. Cannellini bean casserole is your favourite dish because it reminds you of Mussolini and you have a cat that is allergic to Jews.
Personality: Thinker, conscientious and trustworthy but withdrawn, quiet and demanding
Interest and hobbies: Trekking, hiking and Scandinavia (perhaps for its known lack of racial diversity)
Brands: Grand National, UEFA, Olympic Games, Freeview, Moto GP, BBC Four and BBC Music
TV: The Killing
Music: Meat Loaf
Celeb: Russell Brand
Manchester will open up prospects for you in property, accounting and agriculture. You develop a taste for the basic flavours of shortbread, French fries and custard. Your favourite pet is a fish as you respect them for their simplicity.
Personality: Irreverent, outgoing and warm but bad at listening, tactless and insecure
Interest and hobbies: Personal finance, collecting and real estate development
Brands: Easyjet, Ryanair, KLM, United, Delta, Glasgow Airport, Luton Airport, Manchester Airport and Stansted Airport
Film: Pretty Woman
TV: ‘Allo! ‘Allo!
Music: The Jackson 5
Celeb: Felicity Kendall
Leave with a degree from Newcastle with at least £1000 to spend per month thanks to your job in the military, telecoms or research. You have a fish and you love cheese soufflé and pasta salad.
Personality: Challenging, analytical and busy but arrogant, demanding and restless
Interest and hobbies: Birdwatching, urban planning and Russia
Brands: Moneysavingexpert.com, Twitter, Windows, BBC, ITV and Lurpak
Film: The Hunger Games: Catching Fire
TV: Andrew Marr’s History of the World
Music: Katy Perry
Celeb: Audrey Hepburn
Like LSE, Sheffield will instil far-right views into you which you will take to your job in police, research or advertising and marketing. Earn £1000 or more in spare cash and spend it on pak choi in lemongrass sauce. You have a pet bird.
Personality: Good listener, affable and alternative but accident prone, careless and cold
Interest and hobbies: Board games, birdwatching and spending time with family
Brands: Glorious Goodwood Horse Racing, Dove, Head and Shoulders, Sensodyne and Radox
TV: Britain’s Got Talent
Music: Sigur Rós
Celeb: Michael Palin
Stirling is the middle of the road in every way: centrist views, jobs in consulting, research and consumer goods and a love of vegetarian food. Favourite pets are cats, impressing nobody.
Personality: Charitable, imaginative and ethical but arrogant and quick-tempered
Interest and hobbies: Board games, quizzes and industrial relations
Brands: Walkers, Nokia, Pringles, Intel, Jacob’s and Wimbledon
Film: Calendar Girls
TV: Grey’s Anatomy
Music: The Doors
Celeb: Maggie Gyllenhaal
UCL leaves you with some right wing views and a job in research, architecture or IT. You chain dishes of lamb handi and sheep’s yoghurt and own an adorable pet bird.
Personality: Well-educated, a great performer and clever but hyperactive, lazy and disorganised
Interest and hobbies: Drawing, dancing and human rights charities
Brands: Walkers, Macleans, Listerine, Wilkinson Sword, Simple, Imperial Leather and Jaffa Cakes
Film: Monsters University
TV: The IT Crowd
Music: Mick Jagger
Celeb: Diane Keaton
When you finish UEA, good luck with your job in finance, social work or media and publishing. Your more than £1000 per month cash will be spent on quiche, cassoulet and jugged hare. You have a fish and that is one of the most interesting things going for you.
Personality: Self-aware, analytical and hard-working but disorganised, messy and arrogant
Interest and hobbies: Ballet, collecting and famine
Brands: Lonely Planet, Skype, Safari, Lovefilm, Marmite, Vodafone, 4OD and Firefox
Film: The Bridge on the River Kwai
TV: Match of the Day
Music: Joy Division
Celeb: Tilda Swinton
It’s looking grey at Warwick, especially when you leave with less than £125 to spend per month from your job in charity, accounting or police. You love tacos, tofu and your shit pet cat.
Personality: Irreverent, gentle and challenging but formidable, withdrawn and intolerant
Interest and hobbies: Boardgames, birdwatching and religion and spirituality
Brands: UEFA, Six Nations Rugby, Waterstones, Next, Debenhams
Film: True Grit
TV: Red Dwarf
Music: Mick Jagger
Celeb: Matthew Perry
Look forward to switching to the right of centre after leaving York. You’ll get a job in media, charity or the government. No data has been collated on what you eat but you might scoop out the occasional fish from the tank of them you keep.
Personality: Sensitive, helpful and kind but insecure, difficult and lacking self-confidence
Interest and hobbies: Boardgames, birdwatching and religion and spirituality
Brands: Poundland, Aviva, British Gas, Direct Line and Prudential
Music: Take That
Celeb: Robert Downey Jr