Dear girls, why do you hate your boobs?

You only get one pair, and they need some TLC


Do you love your boobs? Do you love yourself? 

If you’re buying cheap bras in Primark (and calling it Primani to make yourself feel better about shopping there) and not lathering those bad boys in moisturiser every single day you’re doing it all wrong.

You only get one pair, and even if you spend £4,000 on a boob job you’ll have to have them redone in 10 years.

It’s about time you re-evaluated your life and gave those beauties some TLC.

Get the fuck out of Primark and into Debenhams

Get the right bra and you'll give them the lift of a lifetime

Get the right bra and you’ll give them the lift of a lifetime

You wouldn’t save money on your gap yah flights by getting the plane with the brief refuelling stop off in the heart of the Islamic State, so why try and save money buying cheap bras?

That £7 bargain might look exactly like the latest Victoria’s Secret, but give it two washes it’ll be grey, your boobs will have sagged at a daily rate of 0.5 per cent and they might even start to look a bit grey themselves.

Girls, just love yourselves and invest in a proper fitting bra.

Give yourself a daily rub

A little rub goes a long way

A little rub goes a long way

Kelly Brook

Those bangers

There’s a reason Kelly Brook’s bangers are so wonderful, and that’s because she moisturises them every day.

Rub a bit of body lotion in after your shower and you’ll be thanking yourself in 30 years. It keeps the skin supple, prevents stretch marks and they smell nice. Win win.

Stop being selfish, you’re not the only one your breasts were made for

They have a wide audience

They have a wide audience

A lot of people are going to have to face these over time, and it’s up to you whether they enjoy or endure that experience.

Do you want them to have the time or their life or the boat ride from hell? Would you feed your future kids on mouldy food? Because that’s basically what they’ll be getting out of your boobs if you don’t keep them soft and supple.

It’s your decision, choose wisely.

They can be your best accessory… or your worst

Forget going braless if you haven't looked after them

Forget going braless if you haven’t looked after them

Do you remember how sad you were when your Tamagotchi died because you forgot to feed it and clean up its poo? Well that’s how sad your boobs feel when you don’t give them enough attention.

And when they get sad, they get saggy, so you can forget the sexy side boob and the sultry backless look.

If you want to stay fashionable and rock the braless trends, you have to get your tits in order first.

Just get them out

They were born to be free

They were born to be free

Flashing cleavage isn’t tacky, it’s liberating. Stop hiding them away and let them be free. It’s their destiny.