Tab Top 20: These students are already more successful than you

Vincent Lim
Life

‘I’ve graduated, I’ve achieved so much’. Yeah? Have you?

There’s been far too much talk about firsts and 2.1s nowadays. No one gives a rat’s arse what you and your ‘clever’ mates got at the end of your degrees, and don’t get us started on degree statuses.

To bring you back down to earth, here are some people more successful than you.

Try not to cry over your comfortable mediocrity.

Alice Oseman

Novelist, Durham

This English Lit fresher managed to secure a book deal with publishing giants, HarperCollins, with her debut novel being released in just a week’s time on 31st July.

People actually achieve things in first year?

Alice told The Tab: “I knew that the only thing I wanted to be was a writer, so I became determined to make that happen.

“My success has been hugely reliant on luck, but without that determination I had at seventeen, I wouldn’t have gotten anywhere.”

Arthur Kay

Social and Environmental Entrepreneur, UCL

Ever had a cup of coffee and thought, “hey, we could make this into an energy source”?  No?  Well, that’s what this architecture student did, which inspired his hugely promising business, bio-bean.

Caffeine addicts everywhere, feel slightly less bad about yourselves

The company hasgrown massively, receiving a patent for the innovative method of recycling waste coffee grounds for eventual use as fuel, and they’ve been endorsed by titans such as Shell, TATA, The Mayor of London, and the Berkeley Group, whilst also forming partnerships with some of the largest coffee companies in the UK.

Having secured substantial financial backing from several private investors, Arthur and bio-bean are looking to expand both domestically and internationally in the near future.

Oliver Gill

Former Man Utd footballer, Durham

You might have heard of his dad, David Gill, the former Manchester United chief executive.  He was much better than the current hack, Ed Woodward, but that’s a different matter.

Perfectly coiffed with Fergie’s hairdryer

The recent Economics graduate accrued an envious amount of time with one of the biggest sporting clubs in the world, glamorously sitting on the bench in a Champions League group stage match against Wolfsburg.

By this time next year, he still will have had more Champions League experience than new £27 million signing, Luke Shaw.

And you.

Emma Kuziara

Glamour model, Nottingham

Usually if you wanted some extra cash, you’d get a job at a cafe, a pub, or even a quaint Waterstones.  Not for “Emma K”; she’s hit the big time with regular features The Daily Star, The Sun, Nuts and Zoo.

This is a strictly a uni thing for her, however, as she’s not planning on pursuing a career in the industry.  Sorry boys

The sociology student is also a vocal opponent of the campaign to ban Page 3, arguing that her profession serves to empower women rather than oppress.

Whatever your view on it, there’s no doubt she’s bloody successful at what she does.

Samantha Shannon

Novelist, Oxford

There’s a reason why this Oxford English Language and Literature alumna has been dubbed the new J.K Rowling, and it’s not because of the former’s massive Labour donation, her role in the Leveson Inquiry, or her inexplicable male pseudonym.

She’s just getting started

She’s shot up the New York Times Bestseller list, having landed her book deal with Bloomsbury whilst an undergrad at St Anne’s, and her tale has also been snapped up by 20th Century Fox for a seven-part series of blockbusters.

Andy Serkis, the brilliant Hollywood actor known for his starring role as Vice-Chancellors Gollum in Lord of the Rings, is masterminding the films’ production.

Riley Uggla

Istituto Marangoni

A student at the prestigious fashion college in London, with degrees honoured by Manchester Met, Riley Uggla has quickly become a core cast member in E4’s gilet-wearing, blue-blooded, consonant-dropping series, Made In Chelsea.

Whilst studying, she interned for Lucy Watson and had an ill-fated fling with Jamie Laing.

Rahtastic.

Jake Wightman

Commonwealth Games Athlete, 1500m, Loughborough

One of a number of impressive students competing at the highest level, Jake will be running for Scotland in the upcoming Commonwealth Games.

Running from independence perhaps?

You’ll be able to watch Jake competing in his heat on Friday 1st August and, if all goes well, in the final on Saturday 2nd; it’s suggested you watch the action scoffing a tub of Ben and Jerry’s finest, sobbing at how your beach bod has succumbed to beach blob.

Luke Treharne

Commonwealth Games Athlete, Rugby 7s, Exeter

This Exeter medic will be pulling on the Wales jersey at Ibrox this weekend, hopeful of Commonwealth glory and looking to replicate his countrymen’s absolute pillaging of the Scots at the Millennium Stadium earlier this year.

Catch Luke and the rest of the Welsh team on 26th and 27th July

He says balancing sport and studies is made really easy for him due to the supportive people around him, but we reckon he’s got to be some kind of Übermensch in order to juggle medicine and playing for his country.

Big Willy

Not what you think, Bath Spa

Possibly the UK’s tallest student, William Jewell stands at a daunting 7ft 1.

Will’s dwarfed by the ‘tallest man that ever lived’. He’s probably still got some giant blood in him, though

This isn’t really a mainstream success, but he’s already reached dizzying heights.

Christian Arno Williams

Model, Liverpool John Moores

This guy’s been killing it on the fashion and celebrity scene, and that’s despite people mistakenly googling ‘Cristiano’ upon hearing his name.

We published a story in January about how he’s been romancing fallen Hollywood starlet, Lindsay Lohan – an exceptional achievement in itself.

Williams met Lohan at the Shanghai Fashion Awards, where he was working at the time, and was named the ‘Sexiest Male Model in Philippines Fashion Week’ in October.  

Well, it’s certainly something.

Lloyd Linton

International Rugby Union referee, Aberdeen

Lloyd started refereeing five years ago, after having played a bit of the game himself.  With some training under his belt, Linton moved up from reffing a bit of domestic rugby in Scotland, through graduating to the Scottish Premiership, to now having officiated a number of international test matches.

Pensive

The Aberdeen medic’s worked at the U20 6 Nations this year, and has been involved in the World Cup Qualifiers, such as the Spain vs Russia game in Madrid, and a snowy ‘Poland vs Ukraine match in -4 degree weather, with a bit of a riot’ after the whistle.  Lovely.

He’s just left Aberdeen to be employed by the Scottish Rugby Union full time; when asked about his plans for the future, Lloyd told The Tab that he’s hopefully going to go back to medicine after this year, looking to combine his two passions both on and off the pitch.

Ollie Middleton

Aspiring politician, Westminster

So Labour have picked a fresher to run for them in Bath during the next general election…

He’s already kind of in Westminster, where he’s studying Politics and International Relations, and definitely represents a step away from the stuffy old MPs we’ve come know and deplore.

An unintentional left-wing sex symbol; he might even be the new John Prescott

He’s come under criticism for having comparatively little life experience as a student, but then again, there’s a real chance he could be an MP.

Suck on that, Student Union hacks.

Ruby Tandoh

GBBO finalist and food writer, UCL

If you remember, Ruby was the really emotional contestant in the Great British Bake Off, who made it all the way to the final before being pipped to the title by Frances Quinn.

Bezzies with Mel and Sue

The philosophy student has amassed a sizeable online following, and has now signed a book deal with Chatto and Windus, part of Vintage Publishing.

Ruby’s debut offering, Crumb: The Baking Book, will be published on 25th September.

Daisy Victoria

Musician, UEA

She’s been earning praise far and wide, with big names such as Lauren Laverne backing her as a ‘rising star’.

Daisy’s recently released her debut EP, ‘Heart full of Beef’ (free to download), which several members of BBC Introducing. including Sophie Little and Graeme Mac, have heralded as their ‘favourite EP of the year so far’.

She has many leather-bound books and her apartment smells of rich mahogany.  Daisy’s becoming kind of a big deal

Her EP has been met with much critical acclaim, with positive reviews in NME and Obscure Sound, whilst Louder Than War awarded Daisy a brilliant 9/10.

Eleanor Calder

Louis Tomlinson’s girlfriend, Manchester

The student and model has been launched into the spotlight, as would be expected if you were going out with one of the biggest names in the music industry at the moment.

In fact, she’s amassed a quite frankly absurd 3.7 million followers on Twitter, and the media coverage of ‘Elounor’ has been exceptionally extensive, with stories abound of Louis flying over from One Direction’s world tour in Barcelona to attend his girlfriend’s graduation ceremony.

However devastated people might be about their lack of mozzarella dippers, it would be a dubious assumption that 17,000 people actually give that much of a shit.

If pointless retweets are a measure of how far you’ve made it, she’s successful alright.

Jack Gleeson

Joffrey of the Houses Baratheon and Lannister the First of His Name, King’s Landing, Westeros (Trinity College Dublin)

Infamous for playing the biggest dick in contemporary television aside from the absolute python Hodor must have tucked away, a king more clueless than Joey Barton’s attempts at pseudophilosophy, and the illegitimate child of a sibling playdate gone wrong, it’s more than safe to say that Jack Gleeson is an actor of outstanding quality.

When he’s not acting, Gleeson reads Philosophy and Theology at Trinity, a feat made only more impressive when you learn that he’s earned a scholarship to boot.

Matt Janney

Emma Watson’s boyfriend, Oxford

This OURFC Blues fly half has earned the admiration, nay, envy of millions of disappointed daydreamers around the world, after becoming Emma Watson’s boyfriend.

You’re a wizard, Janney!

Sorry Ron.

James Flynn and Ze Macedo

Lancaster

This pair of student entrepreneurs currently run two successful businesses, which together are set to turn over £250k this year.

With September fast approaching, their main focus is KitchPack, a business geared towards providing students with comprehensive and affordable kitchenware and bedding packs before they’ve even moved in.

They’re cooking up some real business

They’re partnered with 20 universities and 10 national landlords so far, and in the long term, they’re looking to expand both KitchPack and BTM Cleaning worldwide, to save students from takeaways and the Sisyphean task of cleaning.

They’ve set up a website to help other student entrepreneurs, where you can also follow their progress – www.UniEntrepreneur.com

Carina Tyrell

Miss England, Murray Edwards, Cambridge

She’s already bagged a first in medicine from Cambridge, and now she’s going to represent the country at Miss World in December.  Carina beat off stiff competition from 60 others to win the coveted crown of Miss England, having already been named Miss Cambridgeshire in April.

Beauty, brains, and a dangerously spiky tiara. She’s got it all

Before she’d won, Carina said:

“Winning Miss England will give me a chance to work with the charity ‘Beauty With A Purpose’ and raise money to help disadvantaged children across the world.

“What could be more important than that?”

And charitable too.  Swoon.

Jack Renshaw

Making people hate him, Manchester

On a slightly different note, Manchester student, Renshaw, has been exceptionally successful at making people hate him.
The BNP Youth leader was recently exposed for calling his dog out for homosexual activity.

The oppressed dog’s appearance has been kept anonymous for legal reasons

With this video under his belt, there’s not much to dissuade one from labelling him one of the most disliked students in the country.

That’s a shlid worthy of deportation

Congratulations, although you might not be as successful as the rest, you’re almost certainly less of a gimp than this prat.

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