So there’s this porn film called Freshers…

Television X shot a porno in a real student house in Newcastle – and it’s everything you’d expect it to be

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Still better dressed than most first years

We’ve all heard those outrageous stories of sexual conquests from our mates at uni.

The girl who gave a guy head in the union bar, that couple who were screwing in the library after a tough night revising, the gang of rugby players who really know how to celebrate a trophy win…but is this genuinely how everyone else sees students?

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Cheese!

According to a British porn film I came across (no, actually), the answer is yes.

Freshers, which stars people with names like Alyssa Divine and Lara Latex, tells the story of six students who ‘cum together’ during their time at university.

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The creator of Freshers – Liselle Bailey – at an awards night

The series is a pastiche of the Channel 4 series Fresh Meat, brought to you by the guys who should have just talked Mitchell and Webb into doing more Peep Show.

The series features lots of shots like this

However, instead of cringe jokes about unsociable foreign students and Jack Whitehall, Liselle Bailey’s cinematic masterpiece offers double penetration, deep throating and Tulisa-slaps galore.

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Pug with a green lead touching an actress’s breats

The auteur production – which was written, casted and directed by Bailey – was shot over the course of four days in a student house in Newcastle, and features students and landlords as extras.

Freshers Promo Soft (Television X 2012) from liselle bailey on Vimeo.

This is VERY NSFW.

The inspiration for capturing the student experience was clear for Bailey, who told The Tab “It’s a time when people do a lot of their shagging about. I don’t know why more porn companies haven’t focused on the whole uni thing. When I saw the first series of Fresh Meat, it just took me back and I knew I wanted to do my own take on it.”

Giving "office hours" a new meaning

Giving “office hours” a new meaning

The series, which has five episodes to it, includes many relatable student experiences such as having sex with your lecturer, two friends watching a movie that devolves into a lesbian romp, and a first year losing his virginity to his housemate’s mum. Just your standard uni shit really.

Perfectly normal student house party

Perfectly normal student house party

Students may be the stars of the show, but as anyone familiar with a night out on a Saturday will know, their exploits were primarily on display for a much older audience.

Most student kitchens are dirtier than this! Very clean!

Most student kitchens are dirtier than this! Very clean!

“That whole young, inexperienced thing is going to appeal to an older audience. You’re young and inexperienced enough to have that innocence, but old enough to be promiscuous – it’s the ideal combination.” Bailey told us.

Just your average student threesome

Just your average student threesome

“And I think that that’s a product of our drinking culture I supposed it quite appeals to people like ‘drunken girls’ and the light-hearted, easy-going mindset that accompanies that.”

Not a great telly.

Not a great telly.

The series – hosted by televisionX – has been one of the most popular productions they’ve hosted, which Bailey attributes to the film’s story and dialogue, and with lines such as ‘Ow’s your fuckin’ ‘ead, nice and sore, red ‘ot an’ raw?’ it’s not hard to see why.

And true to the educational theme of the film, the actors all left the set the better, with the star of the show saying: “I feel like I’ve just had the university experience I’ve missed out on”

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