Shisha Sucks

And if you smoke it, you suck too…

Shisha is a crappy trend that seriously sucks. And chances are that if you’re a habitual shisha smoker, I think you suck too. Pretty badly if I’m honest.

I don’t understand the whole hype. You sit in a shisha bar or café for hours on end smoking through a pipe used by others. Fun.


Wow so cool!

You even get those people that eat, sleep, BREATHE shisha. Get a life man. There are better things to do then being a sore loser by pretending you get high off that stuff.

‘But it tastes wicked you know’. Guys, you ever heard of food? That you can, you know, eat and taste and doesn’t involve wasting a shit load of money? I mean you can barely taste anything while you smoke that nasty stuff. Apart from, er, smoke.


Shisha AND a drink… the kewlest

People just do it to seem cooler and you’re an idiot if you do. With all those harmful chemicals you’re inhaling, you’re just killing your insides, setting yourself up for the death trap – yeah still think you’re the next big thing do you? Clever clogs.

And the funniest thing is, all you shisha feens out there actually get all defensive saying how it’s proper healthy cause it’s just smoke and water. Ha, you guys make me laugh. Deluded much?!

Shisha has nicotine, tar, carbon monoxide and other toxic substances. “Shisha smokers are at risk of the same kinds of diseases as cigarette smokers, such as heart disease, cancer, respiratory disease and problems during pregnancy.” Says the British Heart Foundation and other legitimate websites if you bother to do any research yourself.


He’s breathing in and blowing out at the same time… somebody get this guy a medal

Studies show how a typical one-hour sheesh’ sesh is about the same as smoking 100 cigarettes. So you might as well just smoke fags instead then. Oh, that’s right, you wouldn’t go “that far” (why are you still alive?) It’s people like you that make me question my existence.

And now there are the new ‘e-shish’ or shisha pens. Shisha on-the-go that are apparently healthier, great for all the shisha whores (yes, some people actually call themselves that). With these, you can look like an idiot everywhere you go and not just in a lounge or the comfort of your homes. Lovely.

*Face palm*. What is the world coming to?

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Yes, that’s actually a felt tip pen.

I mean those who use these look like they’ve got a pen lodged in their mouth, in other words, like an even bigger prick. Soz Mr Badman, but smoking an e-shish in an old banger with your windows rolled down does not make you James Bond.

A douche? Yup, nailed it. I’ve even witnessed someone smoking it in the Uni library. “Geek chic?” I think not.

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She so pretty.

Then you get those girls who love to selfie model with smoke all up in their face. Girlies, you look far from attractive. You probably couldn’t even pull a fireman with those cringey poses. Don’t get me started on photos. Smoke in your face does not look cool whatsoever.

Whether you’re hiding behind some from a seriously burnt piece of toast or your microwave caught on fire, its stupid. Also, I really don’t care if you’re up at 5am smoking shisha in your flat and ‘having the time of your life’.

I don’t care that you can do these ‘amazing’ tricks or blow smoke in the shape of hoops. Keep it to yourself and stop instagramming, facebooking or sending constant snapchats of these.

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I seriously don’t give a crap and I’m sure no one else does either. It’s just really really sad and embarrassing.

This is an awful trend, but do it till your hearts content. Whatever makes you feel cool, eh. Just bear in mind that you will forever be a top class idiot in my eyes.

Oh and smoking kills.