Southern and Smelly

Just because your style’s grimy doesn’t mean you skin has to be, argues SKY ANDREWS


joint“I’ve heard Leeds is full of wannabe hipsters who look like they need a wash.”

My immediate reaction was to rush to my university’s defense. How dare this girl imply that my university of choice was full of unhygienic beings more concerned with their looks than their education

But before I released this London girl rant upon her, I paused and thank god I did, as on reflection what she has heard about Leeds seems in many cases to be right.

hat wankersThere does seem to be a current trend in Leeds of girls and boys whose hygiene does look more than questionable. If you go to Flux and find someone who doesn’t look like they may be carrying a form of STI then you’re doing well.

This ‘retro hobo look’ shall we call it, has seeped from the grimy streets of Camden into Leeds university, and interestingly seems to have been most adopted by the Southern female – having finally escaped the watchful eye of her boarding school matron and Filipino nanny.pikachuBeginning to recognize yourself in my description?

You might argue that though you look grimy, you have not in fact crawled out of an alleyway bleary-eyed into the light of day, and that this is simply a look – your hygiene levels being (hopefully) up to scratch

But my lovely, these appearances are verified as indeed being cause for concern when one traitor of your clan was caught in the refectory announcing to a friend that she’d treated herself to a hair wash this morning as mummy was visiting from Kent.

“After all” said girl chortled “don’t want mummy thinking I’ve fallen by the way side even if it has been 2 weeks since I last washed it.” This was followed by a collection of ra ra sounds and snorting I can only imagine was a form of laughter. (Well a least she found it funny).

These lovely ladies can be found lingering around Charles Morris courtyard during the day, greasy hair hidden under a beanie hat, sucking on a Marlboro and uttering phrases such as “yah babe last night the music was just insane, house room just like blew my mind” and “sick babe, we got a place in Hyde park, daddy’s paying the rent but lets just hope he doesn’t want to see it cause it’s a dumppp”.

skate parkGirls, I hate to sound like your mother but I’m going to anyway.

Do us all a favour and tomorrow try this: in the morning go to your en-suite bathroom, have a good shower using some of those lovely Miller ad Harris products mummy packed when you moved up. Then pad across your carpeted bedroom floor and avoiding the piles of clothes (hate to break it to you but no one’s going to pick those up for you no matter how long you leave them) and select from all that storage space that daddy is paying for, some clothes that are clean and don’t smell of last night’s cigarette and questionable substance smoke.

You will feel fresh all day and trust me ‘babe’ you’ll still look retro just without the hobo bit.