We asked Madison bouncers to reveal your drunken shenanigans

‘Some guy came in with the actual McLovin ID, and let’s just say I had to let him in’

I’ve always wanted to try bouncing, but I’m a 5’2″ girl, so that’s definitely a lost dream. But I was still curious, so I asked the bouncers from your favorite bars about their craziest nights on the job, and let me tell you, you won’t be disappointed by their answers.

Chasers

Max: “This one woman came up to me around closing time, was flirting with me, and then licked the whole right side of my face. Then she told me it wasn’t weird because she was married and showed me her ring.”

Cody: “The funniest thing I’ve seen was two guys dressed like ninja turtles on Halloween, peeing in the corner of the bar. The craziest thing I’ve seen was when three people walked out of the bar and all got hit by a cab at the same time. Don’t worry, they were all fine.”

The Kollege Klub

John: “A girl came in on her 21st birthday, took a picture with me checking her ID, and then left. She was just in it for the Instagram.”

Randy: “On Halloween, there was this girl dressed as an Oompa Loompa who was waiting in line outside and rubbing her stomach on the rope screaming ‘This rope feels so good on my tummy!’”

Mondays

Kyle: “Two middle-aged men came in with a huge 40-pound bag of flour and ripped it open in my face. It exploded and flour went everywhere. No one knows why it happened.”

Sotto

Jacob:  “We were trying to close the bar and this one guy all of a sudden wanted to have a deep talk with me and all I wanted to do was go home. I had no idea who he was. He just came up to me, put his hand on my shoulder, and said, “Son, have you let Jesus into your heart?” Needless to say, it went downhill from there.”

The Double U

Ryan: “It was Halloween weekend, and I was outside bouncing when I saw a guy walk up wearing a Hawaiian shirt, tiny jean shorts, and a blonde wig. After an hour, he came back outside to talk to me. ‘Dude, dude. How do you look like you? If I worked out for a whoooooooole semester, I wouldn’t have beautiful biceps like that!’”

Madhatters

Dylan: “This is hands down the wildest thing I’ve ever seen. A man walked into the bar and politely asked to use our bathroom. After 15 minutes, he still hadn’t come out, so I sent in backup (our newest bouncer). He walked into the bathroom to find the guy and the bathroom covered in poop. The man said, ‘Sometimes it really just comes out ya know.’”

Jordan: “Some guy came in with the actual McLovin ID, and let’s just say I had to let him in.”

State Street Brats

Andrew: “It was a Saturday night, a rather tame one relatively. After the bar closed, I went to check the downstairs bathroom. I saw someone in the stall, but I thought it was a co-worker. Five minutes later, the guy was still there. I called out to him to tell him to finish up, and after a few minutes of trying to get a response I finally looked under the stall. The guy was just passed out sleeping on the toilet, head in lap! We called the police because we weren’t sure if he needed help. The cops tried to wake him up, and the guy just gave them the middle finger and told them to leave him alone. They finally got him out of the bathroom at 3:30 a.m. The best part was he had to come back the next day to get all of his stuff.”

The Graduate

Jacob: “This huge group of fraternity guys got stuck in the elevator for two hours. The fire department had to come and everything! When they finally got let out, I thought they were going to be so pissed but they were all shouting, ‘Dude that was so fun!’”

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