‘Unschooling’: My transition from homeschooling to college

“Hey daddy, how come we don’t go to school like the kids on the TV?” I once asked my dad at the precocious age of seven, after watching a scene on some Disney Channel show that included children in a classroom.

“That’s because you’re all homeschooled,” my father replied matter-of-factly.

That was the moment when I realized that my siblings and I didn’t do the things that other children my age did, like actually go to school. I was technically “homeschooled” for my entire life up to the twelfth grade, however, what made my experience different from even most other children, including from other homeschoolers who I grew up with, was that my parents weren’t my teachers – I was.

It’s commonly referred to as “unschooling”, which is “an educational method and philosophy in homeschooling that advocates learner-chosen activities as a primary means for learning.” This meant several things for me: one, I never had to take a test… ever. Two, I was never required to write a research paper, essay, book review – point of fact, I was never required to write anything, to my recollection. And three, I was never formally taught any academic subjects.

The view from my ‘classroom’

This method seemed to be working fairly well until I began to seriously look at colleges when I became a high-schooler. As a kid, I always dreamed about being an adult and all the accomplishments and goals that I would pursue, and so I knew that going to college would help me be the adult that I always dreamed about, but it would also help me escape from being stuck at home. There was only one huge problem—I wasn’t sure exactly how to get there.

My parents never bothered to take me to visit other colleges or even prepare me for the SATs or ACTs. I honestly wasn’t even sure what exactly I needed to learn that was appropriate for my grade-level. Despite all of that, I did some research on what I needed to learn, and I eventually took the SATs and got fairly decent scores, and I began to apply to some colleges that I thought were a good match for me.

However, I still lacked a form of high-school transcripts and teacher recommendations from instructors who were not blood-related. End result: I couldn’t get into any colleges. Frustrated and angry at my parents, I grudgingly ended up having to take two semesters at my local community college and transferred to William & Mary for my sophomore year (a college that I actually never considered applying to during my high-school years, oddly enough).

Even though I was technically a transfer student, my first year at The College actually felt like freshmen year minus the tight social-bonds of freshmen halls and the seemingly interesting freshmen seminars. For once, I was on my own and far enough from my parents to discourage them from visiting me regularly and thus make me feel more independent.

However, I didn’t necessarily feel prepared for the somewhat notorious academic regimen that William & Mary students customarily bemoan about, especially during midterms and Finals season. At the community college, I could write an entire  five page paper in less than two hours before it was due and end up with an A – that no longer could work when I got to William & Mary. It took me my entire sophomore year to learn how to actually study, with earning some grades that I wasn’t too happy about along the process.

Now, I’m a second-semester Junior at The College, and I’ve spent a lot of time contemplating my upbringing and the consequences of growing up the way that I did. Despite the fact that there were some positive aspects of growing up unschooled, for me, there were some huge negative repercussions that I still carry on with me today. I still hold some anger and resentment towards my parents for not taking a more active role in my education. I sometimes feel robbed of a freshmen year and all the tight bonds and friendships that form during freshmen year (or so I’ve been told), and the fact that the needless problems that I initially faced in applying to colleges the first time could have easily been prevented makes me somewhat feel frustrated that they weren’t prevented.

Another repercussion from my upbringing is this lurking feeling of disconnection with everyone around me. I didn’t have too many friends growing up, and the friends that I did have, I didn’t see frequently, and because I lacked any shared experiences with them (such as being in some class with a terrible teacher, proms or homecomings…etc.), it was hard for me to relate with other people my age. Those feelings of disconnection and loneliness still plague me sometimes, and I find myself occasionally sitting on the Terrace near Sadler just to be around other people and feel that I somehow belong.

On the other hand, I feel that my unschooling experience help develop my sense of insatiable curiosity, as well as a sense of independence in finding my own means to acquire the truth. One of my favorite assignments for a college course is to write a research paper because I get to look up the facts on an interesting topic and create an argument based on what I discovered – it’s one of those endeavors that I find very rewarding.

The best part of my unschooling experience by far is that I ended up here at William & Mary. I’ve met some of the most brilliant, passionate and wonderful people here at this school that I know I would never be able to meet anywhere else, and the friends that I’ve made here helped me feel that I do actually belong and that there’s a place for me here, despite the feelings that occasionally get the best of me.

So I suppose the answer to the question, “Would I want to go through that experience again?” is difficult to for me give. It certainly has shaped my personality and my perception of the world around me in positive and negative ways, but because of how time and space work, I don’t have to answer the question – I can’t change the past anyway.

I struggle with shame, sometimes, because of my background, but regardless of that, what I’m learning now is to just accept my background and experiences as part of my own narrative and continue to live out my own story the best way that I possibly can.

It’s still my background and it’s shaped me into the person I am now.