Is it ever OK to read your significant other’s texts?

There’s a fine line between curiosity and skepticism

Reading your significant other’s texts: we’ve all done it, or known someone who’s done it. Going through their texts has become so commonplace in recent years it almost feels like it’s a normal part of a relationship. Whether we convince ourselves that allowing this message perusal is a sign of trust or pull the “show me if you have nothing to hide” card, many people believe that they are entitled to read their boyfriend’s/girlfriend’s texts and vice versa.

But is it really okay?

Emily Rauch, 20, USC

“I think it depends a lot on context. If he shows you texts to read between him and a friend that are funny and you read those then that’s fine. But if you are searching for evidence that he may be cheating or lying or something then that’s not okay.

“The whole point of a relationship is to trust each other and if he can’t be honest with you then it’s time to breakup.”

Sophie Schnietz, 20, Rice University

“I would say no, not unless he was in some kind of danger. you should be able to trust the guy you’re dating and if you ever find yourself not believing what he says, then that should be addressed directly with him, not behind his back. Everyone is entitled to privacy, even if they’re in a committed relationship.

“You should be in a relationship where your partner wants to share his life (or his texts) with you and not in one where you feel the need to violate his trust.”

Katie Farr, 20, Wooster College

“I would say that no it’s not okay to go through your partners text. I think it’s actually an invasion of privacy. And if you’re with this person romantically, that means that you should trust them. And you should know them well enough to not have to go through their texts. You should be able to ask them what you need to ask them.”

Lucy Reidling, 20, Whittier College

“In my humble opinion I think there should be a trust between two individuals who enter into a relationship together. If you aren’t able to trust their digital life, then maybe you aren’t ready to have that sort of commitment with your boyfriend yet. Of course everyone is guilty of a dash of curiosity in their relationships, but if it becomes a regular habit of distrust and skepticism, the foundation of your relationship probably has some cracks that you may want to patch up before treading forward together.”

Zita Gratzl, 21, Case Western Reserve University

“Nope, never. If you have insecurities about your relationship, first and foremost /breathe/, think things through (alone, meaning don’t have all of your friends rallying behind you), and then communicate with your partner. Also have a little dignity? Don’t let things get so bad that you become the girlfriend that snoops through her partner’s phone, like come on, sis, even I know you are better than that.”

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University of Southern California