I hate The Bachelor and I know you do too

Reality television. These two words seem to bring up mixed emotions for everyone. For most of us, it’s a guilty pleasure. Nobody really likes “Keeping Up With The Kardashians”.  No one was intensely fascinated by “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo”.  For the most part, people watch reality television simply because it’s on.

Yes, it’s stupid, but who cares? It’s funny because it’s stupid, or at least that’s what everyone argues while they glue their eyes to the TV and listen to Kim discuss her perfect marriage with Kanye and how he motivates her by telling her to “dress sexier” (truly – that’s so touching).

I think the most talked-about reality show among my generation is The Bachelor. I literally can’t go anywhere on Tuesday without hearing about what happened in the previous episode: what someone said, what fight broke out, which girl was kicked off this week, etc.

And I can’t take it anymore.

I absolutely hate The Bachelor.

The entire concept just doesn’t make any sense to me. I mean, seriously, women competing with other women for the love of a man on live television? Have all the dating apps failed for them, or something?

This season in particular was especially “exciting,” due to the fact that one of the contestants, Jackie Dion, is a USC grad. And actually, upon further research, she sounds really cool: she majored in gerontology while also studying Spanish, Chinese and Italian, she won the TAPA Community Service Award her senior year and also participated in the Meals on Wheels program while at USC, and she was on our track & field team all four years.

She was eliminated in week two, unfortunately.

I would like to propose that everyone at USC boycott the rest of this season in protest of this decision, and then continue to boycott the show for the rest of their lives.

Photo of Jackie Dion, taken from her instagram @jackiedion.

As an intellectual experiment, I decided to sit through an entire episode of “The Bachelor” this past Monday, as I’d never done so before and felt it was necessary to truly know whether or not I liked the show.

And now that I’ve wasted those two hours of my life, I can confidently say that I really do hate it.

I may or may not have fallen asleep somewhere around the third awkward opposite-couch-father-Ben talk.

Below are some thoughts that went through my head while watching this episode (which, incidentally, was the home visit episode so it was extra long, lucky me):

(In reference to Caila Quinn) “This girl is literally having him build their ‘dream house,’ she’s clearly crazy. Is no one else concerned by this? Is HE not concerned by this?”

“So many of these girls went to college, why are they here?”

“Oh he sent home the mom, I’m so surprised, I definitely didn’t see that coming.”

“This girl’s dad owns a toy factory and is wearing carrot orange pants, can he have his own reality show instead? I would watch that show.”

“Do these girls dress themselves? Seriously, they all look so good, it would be worth being on this show just to learn how to dress as well as they do.”

“I’m ashamed of the fact that I actually know their names, what’s become of me?”

“Why is Ben wearing three layers in Dallas? No wonder you’re sweating so much.”

The Bachelor inspired me to present a rose to my roommate, but unfortunately we separated after a few hours over irreparable differences in television show tastes

Also apparently a boy in the Sigma Phi chapter of FIJI here at USC was on the show this past week. His older sister is (was? Is this show pre-filmed or is it live?) one of the final four (final three now, congratulations Lauren B).

I think if I got the chance to ask him one question about the experience, it would be something along the lines of: “Was Ben really sweating as much as it looked on TV or was that just a trick of the light?” or perhaps “Is he as bland as he appears on the show? Asking for a friend.”

So in conclusion, this might be the reality show of choice for apparently everyone else in the world, but for me? No thank you. I elect to watch Love Actually on repeat instead: the characters are more enticing, and every single love story in it (including Colin’s) is better than one on reality television.

Plus, I’ll have the company of my very own Ben, and who knows? Maybe his brother Jerry will join us.