Our day-drinks prove that UMass is still number one for parties

When people think of UMass Amherst they tend to focus on how academically profound we have become, or how we serve up the best grub in the nation, but most importantly, parents will point out how the tradition of excessive partying is dying away.

I am here to rebut that claim and re-establish UMass as the party school capital, by divulging in one of our greatest traditions: day-drinks.

Keep your eyes in sky, because anything and everything can fall on you

When you get to a dage, don’t be surprised if it starts to rain, and I’m not talking about water; empty beer cans will begin to light up the sky. It’s fun to play around with the weather, but don’t be that asshole who thinks its okay to throw a glass bottle – not cool. If this scares you, come prepared and wear a helmet.

There is none of that male-to-female ratio bullshit

We have all been in a situation where we go to a party, and the person at the door says your group is “too big,” which really just means that your ratio of girls to guys is too small to enter. It’s lame and no one deserves to be denied the chance to have fun, so when you come to the dage don’t worry about any of this stuff.

You don’t need an invite or the name of someone who lives there

Size is never an issue. When you wake up, text everyone you’re friends with. Text people that you study with. Text your tutor, because bringing more people means more people you recognize will be at the dage. And the dage doesn’t have a room capacity because it’s outside, so start sending those mass texts.

Going to the bathroom may be a challenge, but there are woods at your disposal

Drinking during the day can be some of the best times, and being outdoors is the essence of this, but naturally complications come up; the body has certain functions that need to be met, and as a result you’re going to have empty your bladder at least once – but probably more like five times. Luckily UMass Amherst is in the middle of nowhere. So go find that lonely tree and let loose – but please do this in privacy for the sake of yourself and others.

You’ll see everyone, from hometown friends, to hall mates, to that special someone

As I said before, invite everyone you know because the dage is going to be lit. But even if you don’t invite them, it doesn’t mean you won’t see them. People will find out about the dage and find their own way to it, so this is your perfect opportunity to make new friends. Maybe your walking around and you spot that girl or guy you always wanted to talk to in Biology, but the professor was talking too much to make a move. Well now is your chance to go up and spark a conversation about the wonders of the dage.

Embrace the campus wide silence that comes after the day-drink

This applies to both people who go and don’t. If you don’t end up going, then be prepared for a ghost town, because the campus will be empty. But don’t fret, because you can benefit from this hidden secret even if you end up going. As the dage winds down people have to go and take power naps in order to charge up for the night. Thus, if you happen to be superman or superwoman and don’t need to sleep, go take the campus by storm.

Pace yourself, because these go into the night

Sometimes the dage goes through a unique process where it never really dies down. This generally only occurs on certain weekends, like Blarney Blowout, but it happens. The dage will go into the night, effectively converting into another hidden tradition – the night drink. Be prepared and conserve your drinks, but also don’t go overboard and pass out before the transition even occurs.

Dress to Impress

Keeping weather into consideration, the dage is the ultimate opportunity to show off that wacky attire you keep folded at the bottle of your dresser. Maybe you’re going to rock a cut-sleeved shirt featuring Albert Einstein smoking his good ‘ole pipe, or how about that jersey of your favorite sports team. Either way your going to have hundreds of eye balls taking a gander at you, so might as well give them something cool to look at, right?

Videos, Videos, and did I say Videos?

When you go to the dage, you end up leaving talking about that ridiculous thing that happened. Maybe it was a two minute storm of beer cans, or about how someone lit an old, dusty couch on fire. The point is that the dage can provide you with some of the wackiest events throughout your college experience, so you might as well whip out your phone and capture it, so that one day you can explain to your kids what college used to be like

Doesn’t matter the day, there is always a dage to enjoy

Except for winter season (there are some exceptions) dages are happening pretty much every weekend of the Fall and Spring. That means you get a chance to get another taste of our finest tradition, and for good reason. The day-drinks are unique experiences, so it’s imperative that you go to as many as humanly possible, while still saving time for that boatload of homework that your professors keeps emailing, moodling, posting on some paid website, or otherwise handing to you every week.