Facial expressions for every question your family will ask this break

This holiday season, you’re most likely going to encounter a flurry of prying questions from inquisitive/nosy family members who are curious about your life and are willing to ask you about all the personal details you’ve been avoiding.

Because you are exhausted from finals, from the general chaos of the holidays, and exhausted from answering these questions every winter, it might be difficult for you to muster up a coherent sentence for their inquiries. The good thing is, you don’t need to! They say that pictures are worth a thousand words, and we now live in an age where 50% of communication is done through emojis. Of course, you should try to engage with your family as much as possible, but when you really “just can’t even” anymore, I offer an alternative.

For those who have lost the ability/willpower to explain for the third year in a row to six different people why they’re still single, here are 10 facial expressions (and some gestures) to 10 common questions you will get at your next family gathering:

How is school going?

The smile and squint:

This expression shows a forced reassurance, but also slight reluctance and mild terror. Throw in a thumbs-up or two for added effect.

Have you thought about what you’re going to do after college?

The head nod with mouth gape:

This expression shows that you at least acknowledge exploring career options should be on your mind, and the slight opening of the mouth makes it seem like you’re about to say something responsible. For example, “Of course I do! I’m currently preparing for the GRE right now.” But really, you’re just going to keep nodding, and then walk away downing a whole glass of wine.

So how are you going to find a job with an *insert humanities major here* degree?

The sideways gaze:

This expression acts as a partial eye-roll, since a full one would be plain rude, but still conveys to the receiver that you are sick of being asked questions like this and are currently contemplating an excuse to leave the conversation.

How long are you going to be home?

The noncommittal shrug:

This expression is the non-verbal “TBH”: it could be a few days, or, depending on how much you like having a regularly-stocked fridge, a few months. Either way, you’re not making a commitment to leave soon or stay long enough to visit Aunt Ann in Virginia.

How is *friend whom you haven’t spoken to in two years* doing?

The nod and shrug:

This expression says that, from their Facebook updates, you know this person is at the very least alive and functioning, but you know nothing else about them and therefore no further questions are necessary.

Want to show us around your campus some time?

The strained squint and mouth stretch:

This expression suggests that, while you really do wish they could visit, you’re just SO BUSY with something. No need to elaborate on what that “something” really is – this look says it all. And by “it all” I mean, “Oh god, please don’t,” without hurting their feelings.

Could you help us figure out how to work our new smartphone?

This look has many variations, and is up to your own creativity. The point is to erase your existence as much as possible from their presence and/or make it seem like you’re either dead or catatonic.

Could you help us figure out how to work our new computer?

See above.

So do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?

The painful chuckle:

This expression tells the receiver that the answer is clearly “no,” but you’re remaining positive about it – even though on the inside, both your self-esteem and eggs are dying.

Any election related question

The blank stare:

This expression can communicate confusion, shock, and/or apathy. They won’t be able to read you and so will not be able to go on a rampage based on your answer. In fact, they might be a little scared, and go back to eating their pie without getting into a heated argument with you over politics or whether racism still exists.

You can, therefore, go back to living your life, stuffing your face with food, and appreciating how much more your family cares about the going-ons of your life than you do.