Things at Penn State I trust more than the Secretary of Education

In comparison, LionPath is really reliable

Betsy DeVos, Trump’s secretary of education gets a lot of heat for being unfit for her title. As we know by now, throughout DeVos’s life and career, she has supported private schools…but has no experience working with public schools—great news for us, as Penn State is a public institution.

DeVos’s resumé could definitely use a once over from campus’s career services. She can’t be trusted and is clearly unfit for this position, but luckily there are a multitude of things here at Penn State that are easier to trust than her.

The Willard Preacher

The legend himself. He has told us on countless occasions that we are going to hell, and honestly he might be right.

The Cata bus

Almost never on time and the app is literal crap. We’re gonna have to guess that the bus didn’t swim across the Atlantic to Africa.

Sushi from South

Is there ever not a rumor that this sushi has worms?

Green pizza from Canyon

For some reason when you’re day drunk on State Patty’s day, this seems like a good idea.

LionPath

Unclear if it is ever up and running properly.

The Rutgers “rivalry”

It’s so cute they think this is a thing.

The rumor that Beyoncé ate at the creamery

Flashback to 2013 when Jay Z came to the BJC for his Magna Carter World Tour when all of campus believed the rumor that Beyoncé joined him for this final show. Do you think the creamery would let her mix flavors?

That one day the line for Champs won’t be ridiculous

There is no room to breathe.

Professors to actually be in their office during office hours

Not sure why they always expect us to be on time and accountable when they are the one’s who are never where they are supposed to be.

Penn State to cancel class in a snow storm

It’s rare, but it happens once every like seven years.

The food at Café

You always think that drunk skillet fries are a good idea, but they’re just not.

The revolving doors at the library 

Doors aren’t supposed to be this difficult to maneuver, but then again neither is the government.

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