Just how truly shameless is Penn State?

If you think you’ve hit rock bottom, just read these stories

At Penn State, you can’t go a weekend without seeing some guy in a pastel button down and Timbs completely passed out, covered in beer on the White Loop, or a girl being carried/dragged home by her friends down the steep mountain that is Locust Lane.

Hopefully, you at least go a night without seeing vomit– but that’s all just kid stuff anyways. I wanted more. So, I went searching for Penn State’s most shocking, heinous drunk/hungover/morning after stories and I was not disappointed. Here is a collection of some of the best tales we’ve heard so far.

The game changer

I once very drunkenly tried to use a urinal in one of the infamous football tailgating “Cocktagons”… I’m a girl. Because of this decision, I missed the Ohio State game.

The dirty cop

Halloweekend, my friend was dressed as a sexy police officer. As she was walking past the Dorito church on Sunday morning, a little girl going to church pointed at her and said, “Mommy, I don’t think that’s a real cop…”

Beaver Canyon’s open door policy

There’s this one apartment unit that I’ve been to multiple times throughout the years and hooked up with someone different there each time. Some of them didn’t even live there.

Where’s Waldo

Apparently, I left a football game without telling any of my friends. I was later found wandering through the Millennium Building… by the campus police.

A repeated mistake

I’ve peed in AT LEAST six different beds.

The hit and run

During a one-night stand, this guy and I had gone through around 4 condoms because they kept falling off. I couldn’t find one in the morning but it was Game Day, so I got ready and forgot about the missing condom. I had to go to the bathroom at some point during the game and while I was peeing, I felt something slide out of me. I turn around and there is a condom in the toilet. This same guy found me on Facebook a couple days later, had some concerns about the condoms and told me to take Plan B. He said he would pay for it. I took it and had a horrible stomach ache the whole day. I haven’t been reimbursed. That shit is like $50!

Employee of the month

Last year, I went to work the night of the Blue and White game and I was ten drinks in. While on the register, a little girl said to me, “You’re really nice!!” No, girl. I’m just wasted.

Forgetting something?

“You left your Spanx at my apartment”

“They’re not mine”

“I swear they’re not my ex’s, you’re the only girl I’ve slept with recently”

“No, I mean they’re my mom’s.”

This conversation is open to interpretation.

Dedication

The last thing I remember is getting blacked out with my roommate at FFF. Next thing I remember is waking up to her peeing on our bedroom floor. An hour later we were in line for Rose Bowl tickets.

Just needed a nap

During a huge snowstorm, my inebriated friend called me at least three times asking if I was home and if he could stay the night and each time I told him,” No, I’m not home, do not walk to my apartment all the way at UT.” I came back the next morning to see the screen ripped out of my window, the glass broken and my friend still passed out on my couch.

Maybe next year

Blacked out so hard that I slept in late and missed the bus to the Big Ten Championship Game.

Garbage

After a long night out, I brought a guy back to my dorm. Before we went to sleep, I had to pee but didn’t want to walk to the bathroom so I just peed in my trash can in front of him. He actually still talked to me the next day.

True friend

My friend was trying to hold the door closed for me in the basement bathroom at the Den. After a few too many Long Islands, the soaking wet floor proved to be too slippery for her and she ended up face down on the floor and just kind of laid there for a little while. She later brought home a guy, still covered in bathroom floor liquids. I’m the one telling this story because she still has no recollection of falling–that or she just blocked it from her memory.

What IS that?

For days, my roommates and I tried to figure out what that stuff was in the corner of the living room and where it came from. A good four days later, I finally (vaguely) remembered being curled up in a fetal position on the floor, then army crawling to that very corner and throwing up the night’s contents. Sylly week did me dirty.

Pure chemistry

My friend thought it would be a good idea to drink the pure ethanol from O-Chem lab. It wasn’t.

False alarm, I swear

Because something looked weird after I hooked up with this guy, I asked him if he gave me herpes. After a trip to the gyno, it fortunately turned out to just be an ingrown hair. The following weekend I asked him if I could still get into his frat. He never replied.

Happy Birthday

Apparently, during my 21st birthday, I puked mid sentence but continued talking like nothing happened.

Wake-up call

I once woke up in a faraway frat bathroom wearing nothing but men’s boxers. I looked out the window – it was already light out but couldn’t have been later than 8 am. Still drunk AF, I decided it was a good time to make my escape. Walked the seven blocks to my downtown apartment in boxers, no shoes, and a plastic grocery bag tied around my torso like a bandeau. When I arrived at my building, I realized not only did I leave literally every article of my clothing, but I also left my phone and apartment key….

Asking for directions

I asked a guy specifically if he “took me to Poundtown” the night before, but it turns out I just puked in his bed.

Naked and afraid

I woke up the next morning naked in a random girl’s bed. Which would be awesome… if it weren’t for the fact that I went to bed with a guy the night before! Turns out in the middle of the night I got up, probably to go to the bathroom, but it was an all boys floor so I went down to the girls’ floor. I guess I forgot I did that because I went back to the room right below his instead of going back upstairs. However, very, very fortunately, neither of the girls came home that night to find me sleeping peacefully naked in their room. Also yes, this means I walked around McKean in the nude.

That’s just unfortunate

I woke up in a guy’s bed freshman year and borrowed his roommate’s contact solution but it was actually cleansing solution so it had hydrogen peroxide in it. I ended up in the ER.

Stay sloppy, Penn State.

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