If all of Penn State’s football opponents were Game of Thrones characters
Winter (aka Bowl Game season) has come
The 2016 regular football season has been nothing short of epic. Each week, we’ve been eagerly waiting for Saturday to catch the next episode of “Game of Titles” as the Big Ten Kingdom’s powers have been challenged, toppled, killed off, or as in Penn State’s case, risen to power.
Here is a definitive list of every team PSU has played this year as a Game of Thrones character.
Penn State – Tyrion Lannister
For years now, Penn State has been disliked, disrespected, and disregarded. We nearly got the death sentence in 2012, but similar to Tyrion, our heart and strategy have us coming out on top again.
Kent State – The Butcher’s Boy
Killed off. Irrelevant.
Pittsburgh – Catelyn Stark
This season, Pittsburgh has proven that they are strong-willed and will fight as hard as they can, but their wins really only benefit other teams. Similar to how Cat always did anything she could for her family only to lead her to the Red Wedding, it’s not likely that the Panthers will ever get anywhere really good.
Temple – Theon Greyjoy
Temple was never a true power, always overshadowed by Pitt and PSU. They’ve had many down years, but the Owls are now on the rise, including winning their conference championship. Fortunately, Temple’s program has always remained intact, unlike Theon…
Michigan – Jaime Lannister
Michigan can be seen as The Golden Boy – impressive but overconfident, admirable but cocky. But suddenly, their foundation has been rocked, and it’s a little uncertain where they stand in the rankings. But like Jaime, the Wolverines are never completely ruled out.
Minnesota – Tormund Giantsbane
When I think of Minnesota, all I see is a blizzard – a blizzard only a Wildling like Tormund could handle. Their program continues to show brute strength and aggression, and although the Gophers are not on top this year, they have still survived.
Maryland – High Sparrow
Four years ago, it was determined that Maryland was good enough to be in the Big Ten. This gave them the idea that they might be able to come into power… wrong – although not to wildfire-exploding-septs proportions.
Ohio State – Cersei Lannister
Whether we want to admit it or not, Ohio State is cunning, determined, strong and stealthy. And like Cersei, though they may at times show weakness, no matter what happens to them, the Buckeyes are always a contender. Also, it’s no secret that both Cersei and OSU are generally hated by all of the Big Ten Kingdom.
Purdue – Margaery Tyrell
Purdue has a strong offense, but a weak defense. The Boilermakers were much more relevant in past seasons and thought they might move into power, but nowadays they are completely out of the conversation.
Iowa – Arya Stark
Iowa seemed to be out of the running this season, but now it appears their hard work and training are finally bringing them to the top yet again. Hopefully the Hawkeyes’ strong finish this year will lead to big things next season.
Indiana – Podrick Payne
The Hoosiers have been unexpectedly valiant. Everyone writes them off, but they’ve challenged most of the teams in the conference, despite being seen as a non-threat… Besides, what is there to hate about Indiana?
Rutgers – Lysa Arryn
Rutgers fans are actually just crazy. They think they’re great, but nobody likes them, and the Scarlet Knights saw nothing but brutal defeat all season long. (223-0, people.)
Michigan State – Rob Stark
Michigan State used to be great, with lots of potential and hope. Then suddenly, the Spartans were unexpectedly killed off this season. (RIP Rob – still not over it)
Wisconsin – Littlefinger
The Badgers are an unassuming power, but they are quickly on the rise. Hardly anyone gives them credit where credit is due, but Wisconsin took over the Big Ten West Division when nobody was watching, and could have even taken the overall title (but we’ll hold onto that, thank you).
Honorable Mentions:
Alabama – Daenerys Targaryen
Alabama came into the season assuming they deserve the national title. The Crimson Tide always dominates, but they haven’t necessarily played the hardest of teams, much like how Dany has only claimed most of the forgotten Slaver’s Bay.
Clemson – Bronn
Like Bronn, Clemson proves to be amazing and clever in battle, but still well-liked. Quick on their feet, Clemson doesn’t often face defeat and the Tigers, too, are on the quest for the national title.
Washington – Jon Snow
The University of Washington is located a long way away from a majority of the Top 25 teams, but could come into the playoffs and win it all. Besides… A Husky isn’t too far off from a Direwolf, no?