All the thoughts you’ll have as a fifth year senior

As a fifth year senior and second year transfer student I got hit with the double whammy. I don’t make a lot of new friends because I commute to campus and I’m always mildly fed up with the fact that I’m roughly a year and a half behind in school. Without further ado, here are all of the thoughts you’ll have as a fifth year senior.

I’m too old for this shit

When you’re just a little freshman ready to go out into the “adult” world promised by college everything is new and exciting. You can have members of the opposite sex over in your dorm, you can get wildly drunk without having to worry about sneaking back in without waking your parents, and you can finally study what you want (suck it math).

By the time you get around to your fifth year that “I don’t give a fuck” attitude kicks in and you officially feel like a senior citizen. The smallest things will get on your nerves, you’ll start complaining about everything, and daily naps will sound better than a night out.

I hate syllabus week

That’s only partially true because it’s wonderful to spend the first few days of class listening to your professor go over a couple pieces of paper—even if it is boring. No matter how much detail your professor goes into reviewing the syllabus there will always be half-a-dozen people who feel the need to ask stupid questions. Maybe if you actually read the damn syllabus then you wouldn’t have any questions.

Should I take that fifth class?

When the desperation to graduate sets in you’re going to start to feel more than a little anxious. All of a sudden you’re calculating how many credits you need and how long it will take to earn them on a weekly basis (but the number never changes). At some point you’ll contemplate overloading your schedule with classes, but it’s a recipe for disaster. You won’t realize the error of your ways until you have three midterms and two projects due the same week.

I should drop out and travel the world

At some point you’ve made that “I should drop out and…” statement. When the times get tough you start to daydream about all of the things you could have done instead of spending tens of thousands of dollars on college. It’s still tempting to drop everything when you’re close to the finish line, but the thought of wasting those five years is too depressing. Plus you get a little more time before you have to become a real adult with real responsibilities.

I’ve been around here so long I could probably teach

After a while things start to feel a little repetitive and you get a little cocky. You’ve taken so many classes in your major that you think you know enough information to stand in front of a class and teach an entire course— everyone else would probably think you’re pretentious. In reality though you’d probably end up stammering through a half-ass slide show and mentioning every Shakespeare penis joke you can remember. Stick to sitting quietly in the back corner of the classroom.

Is it appropriate to mention my drinking skills on my resume?

When that dreaded time comes for the post-grad job search filling out all of those applications can get tiring. The only thing worse than typing up a resume is trying to figure out what to put on it. Sure you were in that one student org for a few weeks sophomore year, but that probably doesn’t count. It’s kind of depressing when you realize that your biggest accomplishment in college was drinking 8 mimosas before that one football game and not puking.

Being a fifth year senior isn’t the end of the world, but it is a pain in the ass. If anything, I’ve learned that you have to take it in stride and use humor as a coping mechanism. Let’s be honest, who can finish a degree in four years anyway?