Every type of person you meet at winterfest

We are all the girl who’s in it for the Insta

Today was a very special day for wolverines: Winterfest. A day of hunter boots, spiked coffee, broomball and debauchary. It’s basically a five hour brawl that the university only permits because #philanthropy. We saw a lot of people having fun and cheering on their teams. Here are just a few of the stereotypes we ran into:

The frat guy out for revenge

He lead the team to the finals last year before a crushing defeat against his rival frat, and they didn’t let him live it down for a solid year. Now he’s back and ready to take some names. He doesn’t care so much about winning as long as he gets a good hit in. Charity is awesome, but that’s not what he’s here for. Will get in a fight before the day is over and end up with his Timbs covered in mud and his pride shattered.

The cheerleader

She’s dressed in the jersey her SO wore to last year’s game, screaming her head off for him and ready to jump onto the ice the minute he starts looking hurt. The guy version is wearing a sweatshirt with her letters, cheering her on and taking a pull of Fireball every time her team scores.

The kids who miss gameday

This is the closest thing they have to tailgate season until St. Fratty’s Day, so they’re doing it up in style. They wake up at 7am, throw on a Michigan hockey jersey, chug some PBR, and spend the whole day singing ‘Closer’ and wishing they were heading to a football game instead of a broomball tournament.

The girl who‘s in it for the Insta

She brought her Polaroid and refuses to leave until she gets a good quality pic with her lineage, in descending order from big to little. She could care less about the tournament as long as she gets a customized jersey out of it.

The one who’s lost

She last saw her friends at the pit and is just trying to find them before the semifinals. Meanwhile, they’re frantically texting her in the groupme, but her phone is submerged in a puddle of mud somewhere on Washtenaw, so she’ll be wandering around a while before she finds them.

The confused GDI

Maybe he’s from out-of-state, or maybe he’s just not into the Greek Life scene. Either way, he hasn’t been to Winterfest enough times to be apathetic to the display of drunk college kids beating each other into submission in the name of philanthropy. He’ll look around in disgust for a while, question how these people made it into Umich in the first place, and then head out of there, concerned for the future of his generation.

The ones who actually care about philanthropy

This small subset of people helped organize the event and set up GoFundMe pages for each of their respective charities. They’re the ones selling brownies for Dance Marathon at a stand in the corner. When a girl leaves the ice with a nosebleed courtesy of a rival srat, they look the other way because “it’s for a good cause.”

The srat girl who wants to win 

It’s all fun and games for some, but not this girl. If you’re on her team, you better stop giggling and take this shit seriously. I’m looking at you, girl taking selfies with the goalie. She wants the W and will do whatever it takes to get it, including throwing some shoulders. She played varsity hockey in high school, and she’s ready to put those skills to use and take some shots on net, just as soon as Becky gets back and plays some goddamn defense for once.

The ones who don’t really want to play at all

The chapter’s star player broke an ankle falling down the steps at Rick’s, so this player becomes a reluctant substitute. They don’t really understand broomball. Why are the sticks so small? Why aren’t we wearing skates? They’ll fall a few times before deciding to hang out on offense and spend the rest of the time hoping no one passes to them.

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