Primal Scream is Swarthmore’s weirdest — and greatest — tradition

Only at Swarthmore College, where our motto is literally “anywhere else it would’ve been an A,” is a tradition held that so accurately captures the emotions of every student on campus. Known as “Primal Scream,” this unique tradition acknowledges that, no matter what professors would like to believe, passing final exams has nothing to do with how well students did the readings all semester and everything to do with how long students stayed awake reading the entire syllabi’s assignments the night before the exam.

The Primal Scream acknowledges that students haven’t slept in weeks, so why not feed them breakfast at 1AM and let them scream their hearts out at midnight?

For freshmen, transfers or even upperclassmen who need a refresher, we’ve assembled a handy guide to maximizing this semester’s Primal Scream. Read closely or suffer a night of awkward study jokes.

Stuff your face to make up for lost time

Think of Primal Scream feast as a catch-up for every meal that was ever skipped from studying. This is the one chance students have to say goodbye to endless studying and hello to endless carbohydrates.

Don’t show up early! Seriously, not a minute before 11:50PM!

We’ve all been to a party just a few minutes too early and nothing’s worse than the feeling when you look around and realize you’re the only one on the dance floor (but maybe that’s just me). Primal Scream is not the time to be early! If you show up early, you might miss the midnight scream because you’ll have filled up on food too soon. Worst of all, early arrival means you aren’t a true Swattie. Not only did you ignore the infamous Swat Seven (showing up at least 7 minutes late to everything), but you’ve also lost those precious 7 minutes you could’ve been reading your Bio textbook.

Go with friends because you’re in this together

The Primal Scream is nothing if you don’t have friends with whom to share the moment. You study together and party too hard together every Thursday night, so you might as well scream together and collectively appreciate how close you all have come to surviving yet another semester of struggles.

Cry with friends and strangers because you’re still in this together

We all know you’ve been holding in those tears since Reading Week began. Your friends have been doing the same, as are those freshmen next to you who’ve had six cups of coffee because they realize they may have taken “pass/fail” semester a little too seriously. Now is your chance to let all those tears loose so they release themselves during your final. You can cry, your friends can cry–everybody needs to take the time to cry.

Don’t stay at one table

Obviously Swat is a small school so you’ve become close to way too many people. If you are going to properly enjoy Primal Scream and share in your tears and exhaustion, you need to table hop and appreciate the vibes from all your different friend groups. Fly, Swattie social butterflies!

Don’t even think about studying in Sharples

Look, everyone is swamped with studying. Exactly no one wants to hear how behind you are or how many essays you have to write. The mere mention of the word “study” could set someone off into panic mode, so just enjoy the moment and pretend your readings don’t exist…for now.

Comment obsessively on how “calm” and “home-y” Primal Scream feels

Because everyone is enjoying the comforts of breakfast food and properly practicing the above mentioned rule, the vibes in Sharples are extremely calm. Everyone is focusing on appreciating each other and how far they’ve come and since Swatties analyze everything, people will no doubt comment on this feeling while appreciating its existence.

Scream louder than your parents will after they see your final grades

The whole purpose of the event is centered around the entire school coming together to let loose all their built up stress from an entire semester of all-nighters, 20-page essays, impossible readings and utter exhaustion. This is your one opportunity to release every ounce of that stress so prepare your vocal cords, take a deep breath, and let it all free.

Stock up on coffee–I recommend a gallon jug

We are at the point in the semester where you have run out of Dining Dollars and you need coffee more than ever. An IV of coffee, even. To succeed in your all-nighter endeavor, sneak as much coffee out of the dining hall as humanly possible. If the machine runs out of coffee, don’t be afraid to ask the dining hall staff to re-stock the machine. Trust me, they’re already on to you–but they understand.

Dismiss yourself by saying, “Back to McCage!” or “Back to work!”

When the night has ended and everyone has achieved Nirvana in the form of a food coma and exhausted vocal cords, revel in the relaxed vibe. This is one of those treasured moments when it is apparent that Swarthmore is a collective community that aims for one another’s success. After taking in the vibes one last time, embrace your classmates and say your goodbyes as you dismiss yourself to the library or Sci Center to continue upholding the rigorous, academic reputation that is Swarthmore.