UI Spring Break as told by The Office

‘Is this enough alcohol to get 20 people plastered?’

Spring break is quickly approaching, and planning for the week started months ago. Whether you’re headed to Gulf Shores, Miami or anywhere else the Hawkeyes usually flock to, this breakdown of your spring break as told by The Office remains true.

Step 1: Figuring out where the squad wants to go

Somehow, this is often the hardest part of the trip. Literally every Iowa student on spring break goes to Gulf Shores, so maybe hit somewhere different this year?

In the end, we all just want to go somewhere warm and stuff our faces, right?

Step 2: Trying to make hotel reservations

Whether it’s waiting three hours on hold with the hotel in Mexico or trying to figure out Airbnb, making sleeping arrangements never seems user-friendly.

Step 3: Convincing that friend that backed out to come anyway

There’s always that one friend that tries to back out at the last second, claiming they no longer can afford it or would rather stay on campus and work.

We don’t care that you’re already broke, and where’s the fun in staying in IC when it’s a ghost town? Spring break only comes once a year.

Day 1: Buying far too much alcohol, “just in case”

When eight friends walk into a liquor store on the first day of Spring Break, bad things happen. You never know when you might need an extra five handles of vodka…

At least there’s no Downtown Liquor at your destination for you to cave and buy cheap Hawkeye.

Day 2: Blowing through money with no remorse

You’ve bought enough food and drinks “for the week,” yet somehow have managed to blow through all of it within the first two days without a second thought.

There’s a gas station down the road anyway, so why not?

Day 3: Haven’t been sober since Day 1

The cupboard in your hotel room is full of alcohol and you haven’t stopped drinking since the moment you checked in. Sleep is for the weak.

Day 4: Still not understanding the drink menu at a foreign bar

The girl before you ordered a double Salmiakki Koskenkorva with a Caipivodka shot. You stutter for a while trying to read the menu before shouting that you just want vodka.

How were you supposed to know you’d have to order real drinks, and not just vodka cranberries and “anything” shots like you do at Summit’s $1 U Call It’s?

Day 5: Pictures and videos from the week start leaking on social media

Your friends are starting to sober up at this point and are posting pictures and videos of all the fun times you’re having on the beach.

Lest they forget your parents, aunts, uncles and grandparents are all on Facebook and saw that video of you doing a keg stand for 20 seconds while your friends were pouring Jack Daniels into a snorkel in the background.

Day 6: Realizing that you have to go back to school soon

It’s finally starting to hit you that you’re going home tomorrow, and you still haven’t started studying for that midterm that your professor scheduled for the first Monday after Spring Break.

You mentally prepare yourself to sit in the MacBride lecture hall and cry during the exam, so you drown your sorrows in another screwdriver.

Day 7: Bankrupt

You get back to IC on Sunday with no money, no paycheck from your week off, and no food in your apartment whatsoever. It’s time to run to run to Hyvee for groceries and call your mom up at the check out counter begging for money.

You may have to file bankruptcy within the next week, but it was worth it.

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