We asked Iowa janitors about their worst dorm horror stories
They’re the real MVPs
Everyone has heard a story or two about the shenanigans that go on in the dorms. Some are quite plausible, while others barely scratch the surface of conceivability.
The following stories, however, are undeniably true as told by the witnesses of Iowa City weekends’ aftermath: dorm janitors.
The infamous vomit stall
Janet Walsh has worked at the University of Iowa for 21 years. When asked to tell her worst experience in the dorms, Janet could only think of the classic regurgitation stained bathroom stalls that frequent after Iowa City weekends.
“I don’t really have any stories for you,” Janet said. “Just the vomit here and there.”
Unfortunately, the yak stall is going to sound like a blessing when you hear what’s next.
I know you want to think that your shit don’t stink…
But it definitely does when you do it right outside of the bathroom door.
Yes, you heard me right.
David Goldsmith has only been at the University for four years now, but when asked if he had any nasty encounters to share with me, he immediately replied, “YES”.
Two years ago in Slater Residence Hall, floor seven left David with a horrible mess. He explained that they used to shut the big doors to the bathroom, which means you would need your key to get in.
“Well someone must have lost their key or something, and just couldn’t wait because they left a HUGE dump right outside of the doors.
“Then the whole night no one really saw it, so they kept opening and closing the doors, smearing it all over the floor.”
Even through all the shit David has had to deal with, he still wears a smile to work everyday.
When it’s that time of the month, use the designated trash bin
Tom Dolezal always has stories to tell and advice to give. He has been dedicated to the janitorial staff here at Iowa for 34 years. He told me about some of the scariest messes beyond imagination.
“It was, how do I say this? ‘That time of the month’. And when the toilets couldn’t take it anymore, water started coming out of the drains in the floor.
“But it wasn’t only water. It was all sorts of feminine hygiene products and anything else that gets flushed down the toilet.”
It cost Tom and two other janitors their shoes, as well as many of the girl’s rugs and towels.
This wasn’t Tom’s only story for me though.
Apparently, syrup doesn’t always stay in the dining hall
In 1984, Tom was working at Mayflower Residence Hall when he got news of a mess that you would have had to see to believe.
Students emptied bottles of syrup all over the elevator in Mayflower, then to top of the already disastrous prank, they cut open a bean bag and released its contents all over the sticky liquid.
At the time Tom was livid – who wouldn’t be after spending several hours trying to get syrup stains out of an elevator floor?
However now, Tom looks back at the memory as an interesting and somewhat comical story story to tell.
He said he wished he would have had a camera at the time (it was before the cameras in the elevator were installed) so he would have had a picture to go along with the unusual story.
After hearing these stories, I have definitely deepened my respect for the janitorial staff in the dorms. After all, they do give us dorm go-ers one less thing to worry about.
So next time you bump into one of them, make sure to give them a nice thank you for all the work they do for us students, and the University of Iowa as a whole.