‘Twas the night before finals: A poem for stressed Hoyas

‘I have to catch up on all this reading. It’s definitely a dub. Is it too late to consider working in a strip club?’

‘Twas the night before finals, when all through the land,

Not a student was sleeping. Dear God, we need a helping hand.

We are all hungover, and haven’t studied with care.

We’d hoped that finals would never be here.

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Students are crying all over their textbooks,

This is the first time I’ve opened this thing; what a waste of 200 bucks.

There are so many assignments to do, but instead I will nap.

You know what they say, “That essay will write itself in a snap!”

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When I realize that is a lie, I will complain in a Facebook post.

I’ve spent too much time looking at memes, and now my GPA is toast.

Winter break is so close, and yet it seems so far,

If we were graded for procrastinating, we’d all get a gold star.

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I don’t remember any of this shit being in the lecture,

An A on the final? What a ridiculous conjecture.

I have to catch up on all this reading. It’s definitely a dub.

Is it too late to consider working in a strip club?

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I want to give up, and then I remember the cost of tuition,

But I’m too lazy to study; ramen is the extent of my nutrition.

Soon the funds in my bank account will be insufficient,

And when I sell my textbooks the profit will be non-existent.

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And then suddenly, the clock will strike eight,

And I’ll know in a moment, it will soon be the due date.

Now, Anxiety! Now, Stress! Now Exhaustion and Hunger!

Please stop making my life such a fucking bummer.

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I’ve spent lots of time writing this poem, and now I must study.

Who am I kidding? It’s time to binge watch American Horror Story.

When it’s finally break, this talk of exams will be out of sight.

Happy Finals to all, and to all a Good Night!

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