Why my New Years resolution is to stop dating in 2017

I know it may seem like a cliche, but this time I’m serious about it

I’ve been attending Florida State for about three and a half years now, and in that time, I can honestly say I haven’t not dated for maybe 6 or 8 weeks, at most. I recently had this realization that I’ve never really taken a break from dating in college, and it genuinely bothers me. I always say that I’m going to take a break from guys and be alone for once, but that’s never how it actually plays out.

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This is how it goes. I meet a boy, and either I don’t like him, or I like him too much and he screws me over somehow. I tell myself I need a break from guys, but then within 24-48 hours I’m talking to someone new. It’s a never-ending cycle.

My friends joke around that I’m always talking to someone. I go on tons of dates and in general get a lot of attention from men, but I’ve never taken it seriously before now. Lately when I’ve been on dates, or flirting with a guy in general, I typically don’t feel anything at all. They could be the greatest guy in the world, and sometimes are, yet I still wouldn’t feel anything. I’ve realized I really am in this vicious cycle of dating that needs to stop for my own well being.

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When I was going to therapy regularly, I discovered that a lot of my mental health issues stem from bad experiences with men, but that realization sadly only scratches the surface. The instances are plenty — the time I had to watch someone I love choose drugs over me, choose another girl over me, got broken up with through a text, never got a text back or an explanation, was told I wasn’t good enough and was used, lied to, cheated on and mentally abused. I could go on, but those instances? They all add up.

The truth is, those two scars on my legs are because of various guys, and I have a hard time admitting how many times I’ve sat on the floor of apartment 241 balling my eyes out over a stupid, meaningless boy.

I’m discovering now, that it’s time I really take a step back. It’s time I delete Tinder and Bumble, and stop scanning every bar or party for an attractive guy. It’s time I work on myself for once in my college career, even if it is my last semester. It’s time I breathe and laugh and feel genuinely happy on my own.

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I’m sure some nights I will feel lonely. I’m sure my sex life will suffer. I’m sure it’s going to be hard to stop this behavior that I’ve become so accustomed to, but it will be worth it.

It’s not to say that if, by some miracle, I meet a lovely human not through social media or by seeking them out on my own, I’m going to say “F- you, I’m not dating”. The point is I’m not looking, but if someone amazing happens to come into my life and I am feeling happy with my progress, I might not say no.

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Honestly, the majority of my happiest memories do not involve a boy or friends or even my family — they were made when I was completely alone. Whether I was sitting at a restaurant drinking wine in Italy, wandering around the streets of London, or even just sitting in Cascades Park reading Harry Potter, I’ve felt my best when I was on my own.

So, I’m going to do this. I’m going to make time for myself and all of the things and people I love most in this life. Cheers to 2017, the year of me. No more bullshit, no more lying to myself. Just me taking each day as it comes, all on my own.

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