How to get a boyfriend at Cornell

A good friend once told me, “The probability of failing out of Cornell is higher than the probability of having a boyfriend.”

This rings true for many of us. In case you didn’t know, “cuffing season” refers to the time when people frantically search for someone to “Netflix and chill” with in order to escape the winter blues. I wasn’t aware that such a season existed until I began to hear the term everywhere. But it’s a natural tendency. Animals do it, so therefore we Cornellians definitely do it.

As we find ourselves returning to campus during the infamous winter cuffing season (you can find out more about this season from the hushed conversations over “studying” in Libe Café), is there an added panic to find a significant other with whom to endure these cold winter months?

For all of the single ladies (and lads) out there who are feeling this panic, dating at Cornell may seem like a foreign and fairy-tale like concept. Either you’re already in an unhealthy relationship with your Orgo textbook or your idea of romantic love was aggressively shot down in sync with the Keystone you downed at a freshman year party.

Disclaimer: On a scale of one to clueless, I am close to Cher on this matter. Like many of you, I often stare at my friends with their current boyfriends and wonder just how they managed to do it. Having spent most of my college years frolicking in the Collegetown tundra (RIP Dunbars) and therefore discarding most thoughts about dating, I thought now would be an excellent time to investigate and ask fellow Cornellians on their opinions on how to objectively get a boyfriend on the hill.

Here are some points of advice from your peers.

‘Be hot’

Typical. Good thing it’s so easy to start wearing less and going out more now that it’s the Ithaca winter and another bar bit the dust 🙂

‘Lower your expectations’

Again?

‘Blink excessively’

It’s so bitter cold we don’t really have a choice, but maybe being a damsel in distress pays off.

‘Have lunch at Statler and Banfis, gotta troll for that MRS degree’

Be strategic about how you invest time between classes.

‘Try another school’

Good thing we are so close to IC!

One friend responded in typical Cornell fuckboi fashion: “I would want to date someone cuter than me, but sadly, I am the cutest.” This applies to many Cornellians. It’s hard to date someone if you are already in a long-term relationship with yourself.

Another, gleefully single, said, “Why the hell are you asking me? You know we all murdered the dating scene at Cornell.”

With my increasingly proud expertise on what not to do, I personally would have to include: don’t be selfish (let someone have your first floor Olin desk), don’t be weird (don’t go out, name your fishbowl animal Cecil the Lion, and proceed to raise awareness about his death) and finally, don’t be shady (In the words of this cute Canadian singer I know, don’t nod your head yes when you want to say no).

In all seriousness, if you really do want a boyfriend, it is important to not feel jaded by the fuckbois, stop psychoanalyzing and start enjoying the single life first.

Most of my friends in relationships met their significant others when they least expected it and where they least expected it, like in front of CTP, at a frat, through friends, on Tinder, on a dance team (unfortunately and not surprisingly, the Level B stage cannot be accredited). Although all very different situations, the fact that these peers were proactive during all of these encounters remains constant. As one Cornellian in a committed relationship said, “I just don’t know how it happened, I guess I would say persistence.”

After this entertaining investigation, I realized the powerful simplicity of going for what you want during these brief four years. And remember, if it doesn’t work out, it wasn’t meant to be.

Or maybe Harvard is more your type.