The true stages of getting your first Brazilian wax

They’re not as bad as you think

Ah, the Brazilian. Plenty of sites have articles detailing Brazilian experiences. The reason I know this is because I looked at nearly every article that exists in the days leading up to my appointment. Most articles describe how you must thoroughly prepare yourself, because it will be like nothing you’ve ever experienced. I guess that’s pretty accurate, because someone applying hot wax to your nether regions really is a special type of feeling.

But, not every site will give you the full low down and what getting your first Brazillian entails. So, without further ado, let’s dive in to what the stages of getting a Brazilian wax are really like:

Booking the appointment

Not every stage has wax involved. Much like the stages of grief, the stages of the Brazilian can have little or no correlation to the actual act of being waxed. It’s mostly a mind game.

I decided that I wanted a Brazilian in the middle of a meeting. Luckily, there was a lull in the meeting, and I was able to sneakily dial the salon number and make my appointment. I had to strategically lower my voice, lest the phrase Brazilian wax be audible and all the public would be aware of my plans.

In retrospect, I really have no clue why I was so freaked out about talking to a receptionist. Also, be prepared to save up for it because that shit is expensive. If you’re one of those people that tips 15%, you should rack it up to 20% for this one. This poor stranger has just had to look at your junk for however long it takes to rip all your hair off, so I think you can spare a few bucks.

If I can’t see you, you can’t see me

Arriving for the appointment

The receptionist instructed me to arrive about 15 minutes prior to my actual appointment time, because I needed to fill out some paperwork that the esthetician needed before we got started. Some of the questions included: Are you on any type of Retin-A cream (which apparently weakens the skin- yikes)? When was your last period (the waxes apparently hurt even more during those lovely few days)? And do you have any medical conditions that we should know about?

After I filled out my paperwork, the cordial receptionist introduced me to my waxer, a friendly woman named Makiko. I had researched extensively on the best places/people to get a Brazilian in my area, and she was one of the best. Do your research before you go in for your first wax. You don’t want to go somewhere where you’ll get infected, or go anywhere that uses primarily soft wax for the duration of the waxing. Some soft wax is necessary for stray hairs, but if they’re talking all-over soft wax? Run.

Why, you might ask? Soft wax sticks to the skin instead of the hair, and if you use too much soft wax down there (where it’s already very tender), you’ll probably get skin ripped off after a while. Nobody wants their downtown skin being ripped off. Opt for the hard wax.

Ah, so welcoming. I was afraid of what waited within.

Preparing for the wax

A lot of sites advise for some type of painkiller or even alcohol to prepare you for the pain that is about to come. I personally took an Advil, and hoped that would be enough.

Makiko instructed me to remove all of my bottom layers, and to lay on the table under a covering while she left the room. I was more afraid for the awkwardness than the pain, to be honest.

Wax time

Makiko covertly entered the room, instructed me to remove the coverlet, and began the process. I’m not going to lie, it feels pretty strange to have hot wax placed on your lady areas and then ripped off. That being said, it didn’t hurt nearly as bad as all the websites said.

I’m not saying that it’s the most fun experience in the world, but the joy of not having to shave for a month severely outweighs the temporary pain of having wax ripped off of you. It’s also only as awkward as you make it.

Makiko turned out to be very funny, so we joked around about some of the weirder experiences she’s had while waxing other people. She also had a great strategy where she’d tell me to take a deep breath before she would rip off a piece of wax. That made the pain much more tolerable.

If you enter the esthetician’s room, and there aren’t multiple wooden applicators on the table, ask her if they dispose of old applicators between each application of the wax. If, for some reason, they say they don’t do this, gtfo. That wax will be dirty and nasty with other people’s bacteria in it, and you do not want that on your lower regions.

I am sorry for my sins

Using proper aftercare

Makiko asked me if I needed any type of aftercare products, like oil that helps to prevent ingrown hairs. Luckily, I’d done my research, and had already gotten said oil delivered to my house. She told me to apply it, and to avoid hard exercise for at least 24 hours. She also advised me not to go to the beach anytime soon. I didn’t have such plans.

Seriously, do not try to wear 1) tight clothing/underwear, 2) exercise, 3) have sex, or 4) go anywhere with saltwater, sand, or sun for at least 24 hours after your wax. They highly recommend a 3 day buffer period, so that your skin can actually begin to calm down. Don’t try to defy this rule, because you’ll probably get ingrown hairs and hate yourself.

Also, don’t try to pick ingrown hairs out with your fingernails. That’s just gross.

I highly recommend that anyone that’s considering a Brazilian to take a hard look at their pain tolerance. I luckily have a relatively high tolerance for pain, so I was able to get through the waxing process without any tears or horrifying screams. Sometimes you might involuntarily twitch, but who wouldn’t in this case?

Should you decide to go Brazilian, I hope your experience is great because anyone that voluntarily gets their hair ripped out from down there is a Spartan at heart.

Happy waxing, everyone!

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