A definitive ranking of Super Bowl players by hottness because who cares about the actual game, right?
If we have to suffer through this, let us suffer together
Super Bowl Sunday is known for being the day we all watch our boyfriends, roommates, regular hookups, etc., file into the TV room, beers in hand, while we stay back wondering if it’s time for the halftime show and scarfing down the nachos we “made for everyone.”
Not this season. Regardless of what ESPN says, meet the top players really worth looking out for this year:
10. Danny Amendola, The Patriots #80, Wide Receiver
If that isn’t one hell of a smoulder, I don’t know what is.
Age: 31 – Height: 5′ 11″
9. Tom Brady, The Patriots #12, Quarterback
Gisele is so damn lucky.
Age: 39 – Height: 6′ 4″
8. Vic Beasley, The Falcons #44, Defensive End
Get yourself a man who can look cute next to two fully grown men dressed as tigers.
Age: 24 – Height: 6′ 2″
7. D. J. Tialavea, The Falcons #86, Tight End
Just when I thought man buns weren’t attractive anymore…
Age: 25 – Height: 6′ 4″
6. Julio Jones, The Falcons #11, Wide Receiver
He may have nicer earrings than you, but that doesn’t make him any less attractive.
Age: 27 – Height: 6′ 3″
5. Rob Gronkowsi, The Patriots #87, Tight End
Gronk’s injured and won’t be playing, but that also means he needs some extra loving.
Age: 27 – Height: 6′ 6″
4. Matt Ryan, The Falcons #2, Quarterback
Ryan’s net worth is $85 million. Talk about a sugar daddy.
Age: 31 – Height: 6′ 4″
3. C. J. Goodwin, The Falcons #29, Cornerback
He smiles every time he sees a “lil dude” smile. That’s some Justin Bieber-“U Smile”-type of adorable.
Age: 26 – Height: 6′ 4″
2. Jimmy Garoppolo, The Patriots #10, Quarterback
He 100% missed the opportunity to pursue a career in modeling.
Age: 25 – Height: 6′ 3″
1. Julian Edelman, The Patriots #11, Wide Receiver
Willing to buy as much Puma as needed to get his attention.
Age: 30 – Height: 5′ 10″
At this point, I’d settle for the water boy if he’d actually text me back.