What running taught me

The crazy thing is that sometimes the thing you treasure most can be the ultimate reason for your downfall. Throughout high school I dedicated my life to running; every morning 6am runs followed by practice that day after school. It was a lot and I found myself growing more and more tired each day. I just kept telling myself and reminding myself of the goal: qualifying for the state meet. For three years I trained rigorously with the support from my coach and from comments from my friends telling me I was crazy. Honestly I think the comments just fueled my fire to push harder and striver farther; I wanted to be crazy. My diet, my routine, my thoughts all jumbled about in my head associated with all things running. Then my perspective changed.

It was a normal Thursday 6 am run over the summer- a scorcher. I had made it about two miles into my run and had found myself in the next town over when I started to feel a pain in my chest. I never have had to stop a run short before from chest pain but it was increasing with each stride I made. My chest tightened and that was what I remember before I fainted. Me, little 93 pound distance runner had pushed herself to cause one of her lungs to collapse from the heat, physical stress and mental pressure I placed on myself.

I woke up on the sidewalk with an unfamiliar face close to mine. The fall hit me hard and with my head and chest still throbbing I could make out the mouth of the unknown face repeatedly asking me if I was okay, if I was okay. I nodded my head as he dialed 911, I called my mom. What had I done wrong? Despite being on the side way surrounded by concerned bystanders I had never felt more lost and confused.

I was doing everything right. I had read books. I had done research. I had kept journals. And this is what happened. I felt like dying. Spontaneous pneumothorax was what the doctor said. A collapsed lung was what the doctor said. I kept pushing and pushing myself to the point where I popped was what the doctor said. What about what I had to say? So I can’t train as hard as I want to achieve what I want? The news crushed me and I sat in silence for the next few hours.

My body needed rest was what the doctor said. I kept squeezing the balloon that is my lung until it popped he said. I needed rest he said and so what I said didn’t matter. The next few weeks were full of rest and a lot of time for me to think about what I had done to myself. I had transformed myself from being Lexie to a runner. It wasn’t a bad thing; I just couldn’t lose sight of myself, my well being and my health overall.

Running is a very individualistic sport. The pressure, the work, the dedication, the practice and the success all comes from what you are willing to put into it. It is so easy to get obsessed with something that makes you feel great, whether it be being with a person, eating a certain food, acting, singing, or participating in a sport. I love running and I always will be; however, receiving the glorious “runners high” in moderation is how I plan to live the rest of my life. This allowed me to realize how easy it is to lose yourself in what you love.