My mom made me who I am today

Even though we used to fight all the time

Growing up, I thought my mom and I were polar opposites. While my brother consistently got along with her, my mom and I usually butted heads. We had the same unforgiving stubbornness that would result in yelling, arguing and slammed doors.

Watching my mom and my twin brother get along so well made me wonder why I didn’t have that relationship with her. I thought it might be because we were so different, but now, years after she has passed away and I have had time to reflect on our relationship, I realize our arguments stemmed from our similarities.

My inability to get up in the morning is only a small characteristic of many that I have in common with my mom.

She gave me the gift and love for writing. She continually urged me to write in my journal, to write poetry and to continue editing and revising until what I had on the page was something I was proud of. Even though this hovering was irritating at the time, I now have a passion for writing much like she did.

I find myself wanting to write down my most aggravating and sad moments because it’s a way I express myself. I remember peeking into my mom’s room and seeing her furiously writing pages and pages in her journal. I now feel like I look the same when I am writing in my own journal.

There are old home videos of us dancing together when I was only tall enough to be right at her hips. Throughout the years, she would grab my hand, twirl me around and encourage me to get up and dance with her. I have never thought of myself as a very strong dancer, but I definitely got my love and passion for moving my body to music from her. I love dancing with my friends just as much as she used to love dancing with me.

It was a consistent tradition that my brother, my mom and I would sit on the couch together under a pile of blankets and popcorn in hand to watch a movie. Often times, my mom would pick out a movie she “wanted to show us” because it was important in her life in one way or another. These movies are now the movies I hold closest to my heart and are also the ones that speak to me the most. She gave me the quality of always wanting to snuggle up and watch a thought-provoking movie.

Much of my life my mom had it rough. But when I was younger, I couldn’t see anything from her perspective. She spent eight years with cancer, and although I did not necessarily understand or appreciate the strength she possessed to push through the pain and torture of treatments and surgeries in my teenage years, I appreciate it now.

More than that, I feel stronger because I always had her to look up to and show me how to hold my head high, open my heart and greet the world with a smile.

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Appalachian State University