You can now get botox for your labia, and apparently it really tightens things up down there

For a lot of us, a huge part of sex is about how we look. Not that I’m a narcissist or anything, and I’m definitely not trying to make this about me, but I’ve been known to turn out the lights, shut the blinds, and gouge my partner’s eyes out before allowing him to enter into consensual sexual fore-play with me.

And I’m not alone. In fact, 75 percent of us prefer to have sex in the dark, and I don’t think that has anything to do with us liking the dark. If we liked the dark, we would do everything else in the dark too — like reading, eating, masturbating alone, and contemplating the meaninglessness of life — but we don’t.

However, now we can do all of those tragic things, plus engage in mediocre tinder sex in the light, because ‘labia puffing’ is a thing. We can shape our lips to the gods. Carve me out of marble, and put me in the MOMA — I’m ready.

Here’s what you need to know about the procedure:

Do not eat or drink alcohol before it, and make sure you are clean shaven. After that, you’ll go in and talk to a professional about the realistic ways they can shape your particular body to look closer to the way you want it to, and Voila!

A bit of lidocaine numbing cream, a couple of lidocaine shots, and the rest is easy. One woman suggests using four syringes of Juvéderm (around $650 each), and you will see results immediately.

Apparently swelling is light and will go down within a few days, so you can return to your normal sexual endeavors, except this time with the confidence of a lady-Casanova. Most women have had an extremely positive experience, and have absolutely loved the results. Whether you’re doing it for you, your partner, or something else entirely, it will make things look tighter down there, while giving you the confidence to make sweet, sweet love in the daylight.