If you’re addicted to canceling plans last minute, it might have absolutely nothing to do with social anxiety

If you’re a serial canceler, like me, it’s likely you blame it on social anxiety or some other myriad of, “I’m just not that social” reasons.

But Andrea Bonior, PhD, LCP, author of The Friendship Fix., thinks there is a deeper meaning behind plans we cancel last minute. She says that when we put off plans, it’s because, subconsciously, we in some way or another believe we’re going to be disappointed by those plans.

And often times it’s not in the ways we might expect. I’ve certainly put off dates for fear of them not living up to their online personas: What if that dog doesn’t actually belong to him? What if he shit-talks his mom? What if he over-exaggerated his love for tacos?

But when it comes to casual friends and acquaintances, according to her research, cancelling plans means those plans shouldn’t have been made in the first place.

In many cases, you’re just saying yes to things out of guilt, she told refinery 29. By this she’s referring to even small bouts of guilt. Sometimes we’ve outgrown a person — there’s no specific rhyme or reason — but we still find ourself saying ‘yes’ to plans with them out of habit.

We don’t feel we’re growing from the friendship anymore, and perhaps it’s run its course. According to her, when it comes to situations such as these, we would benefit from cutting ties sooner rather than later. In continuing to put off plans, we’re stressing ourselves out, and leading on someone who might have outgrown us as well.

@carolinephinney