You’re probably a Popcorn Hoe even if you don’t know what a Popcorn Hoe is

If you’re reading this, you are more than likely a so-called Popcorn Hoe. Don’t freak out though, because it’s not as terrible as it sounds.

To be a Popcorn Hoe is to be a low-key genius too smart to waste a single swipe of Becca highlighter on the plebes of your Tuesday morning lecture. You’re too wise to expose the basics of your day job to the realness that is your snatched waist in a bodysuit and Paige jeans. Too cunning to not sleep in on a Thursday and forgo a razor sharp winged liner.

You prefer to stunt when it actually counts: on turn up nights when you can spend hours artfully applying the Anastasia contour kit you treat like a firstborn child. And when you glow up Friday and Saturday, my god do you glow tf up.

Of course, there’s nothing wrong with wearing/not wearing makeup during the week. It’s your jam and if you want to show up to your science lab with a full cut-crease and over-lined lips then you are a goddess and let’s get drinks next week, but Popcorning has benefits. Not only do you get extra time to sleep, but you set the bar so low for yourself that when you do decide to stunt, everyone is blown the fuck away. You’re basically a ringer in the game of tricking people into wanting to have sex with you.

My fellow Popcorn Hoes, I celebrate you. Some people call it laze, some trickery, but I think we’re the only ones who have it truly figured out. Pop on, hoes. Pop on.