Why Martha Stewart is the ultimate dgaf icon

It’s about time that women everywhere slow down their constant praise of the zero fucks attitude of celebrities like Jennifer Lawrence and Amy Schumer, because they barely hold a candle to the one and only Martha Helen Stewart. This woman is as classy as they come, can make an elegant centerpiece out of old garbage and tree branches and is also secretly the baddest bitch in Hollywood. Don’t believe it? Consider these facts.

She is the master at making sex references while cooking classy dishes

While filling cream puffs: “Put the tip in and don’t push too hard.”

While using sausage casings: “I bet these work for condoms…if they work for sausage.”

I mean, come on.

She stole the show at the Justin Bieber roast

Almost everything out of Martha’s mouth at this roast was as sexually explicit as could be, and the entire time she wore a classic Martha smirk.

Before advising Ludacris that he pull out from time to time and finish on her absorbent line of bed linens, she gave a nod to the only other woman in the room, Natasha Leggero, remarking “by the way Natasha, I do a lot of gardening but you are without a doubt the dirtiest used up hoe I’ve ever seen.”

She is the master at pre-gaming

I mean, the woman shakes her martini’s with hydraulics and has chugged 40’s while eating tacos multiple times on late night television. We should all be so down to party.

She has a show with Snoop Dogg

That’s right, Snoop Dogg. In case you haven’t heard, you can now escape the terrible existential crisis you are probably facing post-election with Martha & Snoops Potluck Dinner Party. Martha and Snoop face off with recipes, play dinner table games and enjoy a plethora of dirty jokes while hosting celebrities like Wiz Kalifa, Seth Rogan, Rick Ross and more.

On this show we see Martha like we’ve never seen her before. It’s like the Justin Roast Martha has come out to play. She flirts ruthlessly with Rick Ross, jokes about the size of her husband’s boat, and teaches everyone how to kill their own chickens: “I feed it some vodka and then chop its head off.”

Let’s not forget, she served hard time

That’s right, she spent time in the slammer. According to her, that means she can shank a bitch but also rock a lovely cable knit sweater. Why? Because Martha dgaf.