How to dress for a Trump rally
A fashion lookbook
How do you think Trump supporters get dressed before a rally? Is it as simple as putting on a freshly ironed Hillary for Prison shirt, adjusting a Make America Great Again trucker cap, strapping on a .45 on into their pants, and stepping out the door?
We’ve been covering Trump rallies for a year now, and have noticed a few hot trends of his supporters – here’s the definitive Trump fan lookbook:
Pour hommes
• American flag bandana
• Standard issue boat shoes
• American flag loosely tied bowtie
• American flag coat and pants
Somebody better tell him that his clothes were probably made in an Asian sweatshop.
• Make America Great Again hat
• Trump rubber bracelet (Straight out of 8th Grade)
• Beard trimmed as close as the bricks on the wall
• Trump Train t-shirt (made in China)
He would make you give up your seat for him.
• Backwards visor
• Eyebrows plucked by immigrants
• A long sleeve shirt whiter than their vision of America
After this shot, they all received a sponsorship from Sperry’s.
• Thong flip-flops
• Make America Great Again hat
• Trump sign he probably got from his front yard
• A smile paid for with funds that would have otherwise been spent on welfare
Trump University Class of 2016 Valedictorian.
• Douchebags for Trump standard tank top
• Popping arm veins
• Trigger happy thumbs up
Sunglasses because the wall will throw so much shade.
• Standard look of confusion
• Any red, white, and blue hat found in the back of your closet
• Trump stickers because the merchandise is too expensive
Is that Dick Cheney photobombing?
Pour femmes
Tomi wears pink on Wednesdays and half of America has been personally victimized by her. She probably hates you more than she hates Colin Kaepernick.
They say when Ann Coulter laughs, an angel in heaven loses its wings.
• Trump official blonde hair dye
• American flag scarf
• Personalized prescription bottles
They have a Facebook group called The Stepford Wives.
• Official Dolly Parton wig
• Dollar store mascara
• Trained resting bitch face
Her tears come out of a prescription made by Big Pharma.
• Racially insensitive t-shirt
• Made in America kimono
• His and Her Make America Great Again hats
“We met through Farmersonline.com”
• Customized American flag crop top
• Trump issued lanyard
• Random man paid to check out what your Republican grandma gave you
She got offered an internship with the Republican Party and she didn’t even have to apply.
Trump supporters love their guns more than Trump loves himself:
It’s like taking candy from a baby, but the baby actually has an assault weapon they would only be necessary during a game of Call of Duty.
• Shove gun control t-shirt
• White shorts that are the reason why schools have dress codes
• Confederate flag phone case
• Hillary for Prison t-shirt
• Ear plugs with “to prevent the hearing of Democrat whining” on the package
• Matching long sleeve shirt and umbrella for those extra sunny days
The new designer assault weapon bag from Walmart because Miuccia Prada wasn’t American enough for this Trump supporter.
• Wool cap for when you forget your genuine Trump toupee
• Sidearms and an assault weapon
• Official Trump X-ray sunglasses out of a cereal box. (He still had hope that they’d work)
A unique attempt for a public Rambo cosplay.
• Overpriced merchandise
• Girls holding guns because why not?
• Standard Trump sexism
I thought girls just wanna have fun?
They look like they’d buy front row tickets to a Larry the Cable Guy standup show.
You know you’re a redneck when:
• Neon skeleton tank top bought by his grandson at OBX
• Trump inspired mullet because he’s business in the front and party in the back
• Glasses straight out of the 70s and into his 70s
Does not having teeth really put you in the silent majority?
• Surfer hand sign
• Middle of summer striped sweater
• The entire Pawn Stars cosplay dressup set
Only half of them are really standing with Trump.
• Bandanas worn political bandit style
• Untrimmed facial hair
• Dirt from a hard day’s work
Apparently, black bandanas cover up the smell of Trump’s bullshit.
Trump supporters are sweet and considerate of those who oppose their beliefs:
• Tribal tattoos
• A permanent ban from Planet Fitness
• Under Armour shorts
Looking the part is a huge aspect of supporting Trump. Rallies will provide you with Mountain Dew at the door.