Reasons to stay single your first semester of college

I do not regret my relationship per say, at least not in terms of the person it was with, the lessons I learned or the personal growth I experienced as a result.

What I do regret, to some extent, is the timing.

The first few weeks of your freshman year of college can be some of the most overwhelming, exhausting, anxiety-provoking, and thrilling weeks of your life. Everything is new, everything is bigger, and at any given moment your emotions range somewhere between extreme excitement and extreme fear.

The best or worst part about it is that you’re thrown into this environment without the companionship of your best friends that you’ve known since you were in diapers, or the comfort of coming home to your family after a tough day. You are on your own to an extent that many young adults have never experienced before.

It’s only natural to go searching for that same comfort and companionship elsewhere – to find someone with whom you feel a sense of belonging, with whom you feel at home.

My advice is don’t do it.

It’s a really strong urge, believe me, I know, but resist it as much as you can. I didn’t resist it, and I found myself, like many people I know, in a relationship my first semester of college. That relationship quickly crumbled and altogether fell apart by the start of our second semester.

So do as I say, not as I have done.

New is scary, but learn to tackle it on your own

It’s a growing opportunity that you are not given many times, so you need to take advantage of it. It might be easier to navigate those first weeks with someone else, but you will learn so much less about yourself than if you were to navigate the often scary and uncomfortable new-ness by yourself. What’s more, once you’ve become accustomed to the new environment, you will have a space that is entirely of your own creation, so you’re more likely to enjoy it.

You will have friends that you click with, a routine that works for you, and opinions based off of your own experience. The potential alternative is making friends with the people that your companion likes, adjusting your routine to fit someone else, and absorbing someone else’s opinion as your own. It might be easier because you don’t have to do the tough work alone, but you might find that the ultimate product actually causes more isolation than you began with.

Companionship doesn’t always equal compatibility

Here’s the scenario: you fall fast for the initial chemistry, you’re scared and alone and welcome the company, you decide he or she is “the one.” You dive head-first into a relationship, and over the next few months you realize everything you hate about him or her, and in one swift motion it all comes crashing down.

Maybe the reason so many “first-semester couples” don’t last is because someone realizes that they rushed into the relationship for support and stability, but didn’t take time to learn much else about each other.

It’s easy to fall for attraction and attention, especially in such a vulnerable environment, but those things do not necessarily predict genuine long-term compatibility. What’s more, even if there is an initial connection, you are both likely to grow and change a lot through the start of college. The in-sync people you started out as does not guarantee that you two will still be in harmony a few months from then.

If you find someone you really like in those first crucial weeks of college, don’t rush it. You don’t have to worry about losing them – if the connection is real, that person will probably still be there in a month (or two, or three). Take time to experience what your college has to offer you, find your own path, learn about yourself, and learn about each other.

And, if after all of that you still want to be together, I’d say you have a pretty high chance of success.