The sexist reality of private school dress code in the South

I attended a private, Christian high school in an affluent area outside of Nashville. Although many students didn’t realize how lucky they were to be there, I did. I come from a middle class family with parents who both attended public schools growing up, but the public schools around me were very dangerous and violent so they enrolled me in the private school system beginning in elementary school. I never attended a public school, but I could tell how lucky I was to be where I was with teachers who cared so much and prayed over me. This school shaped me into a person that I’m quite proud of and I will always be grateful to them. But it was a particular teacher and the clear inequality of dress code regulations for girls versus boys turned me into the fiery feminist I am today.

This school followed a dress code instead of having a set uniform. The general style was business casual and every boy and girl always had to wear a collared shirt. Sounds fair enough, right? *The following is straight out of the handbook given to each family every year.*

Excerpt from Girls’ Guidelines: “If blouses are sheer or see-through, they must have  a collar and must be worn with a solid top underneath that has straps of at least four fingertips in width and comes to the collar bone. No cami-style tops are permitted underneath a sheer shirt.”

(Did I mention girls would be sent to the front office if their collar bones were showing? Apparently collar bones are a gateway to cleavage.)

Excerpt from Boys’ Guidelines: “No frayed, faded, camouflage or tie-dyed clothing is allowed.”

Dammit what is Gunther going to do? His whole closet is camouflage for hunting! So unfair.

Can you spot me? Hint: I’m the one out of dress code. But I was asking a boy to presentation, so doggonit I was going to look cute even if I got an hour of detention.

Although the girls’ and boys’ guidelines are both about a page and half, they were never enforced equally. This bugged a lot of girls. So we asked why. “The dressed is in place so you don’t distract the boys from learning.”

There it is. That is the reason. We asked over and over again, desperately needing the answer to change. But it didn’t.

My parents paid the same tuition as any boys’ parents. I had the same potential and intellect as any boy. Why was I treated differently? I was there for an education, not a boyfriend.

We had so many assemblies that ended with the words, “Girls please remain in your seats,” after which we would be berated for not following the dress code. Here we would be told, “If you feel cute when you get dressed for school, you need to change your outfit.”

Many teachers would begin class with a “dress code check,” but they only ever sent girls to the office. The first two or three years of high school, if you were sent to the office you got “smocked.” Smocking is where they make you wear an old, smelly choir robe for the rest of the day. Did boys ever get smocked you ask? Nope. Smocking was your punishment for dressing inappropriately. But I think publicly shaming young, already insecure girls is inappropriate.

The cherry on top of the cake came senior year when we were informed of a new rule: All girls wearing skirts and dresses must sit with their legs crossed politely under their desk for the duration of every class. I remember the silent theater becoming filled with scoffs and incredulous gasps. Our classes were 90 minutes each. There is so much research that says sitting with your legs crossed for prolonged amounts of time is terrible for your spine. Also not to mention the fact that we don’t live in North Korea and you can’t tell us how to sit for eight hours a day?

Like many schools, during homecoming week we had dress up days. Our second day was, “When I Grow Up Day.” I thought it would be hilarious if I dressed up as a trophy wife because anyone who knew me knew I was a feminist and that this was a huge joke. I woke up early and fixed my hair and makeup and I felt beautiful and confident (which is honestly pretty rare for me). I walked into the hallway past a group of boys in my grade whom I had never talked to and they started calling me names.

“Stripper.” “Hoe.” “Thot.”

I told my friends and pretended to laugh it off. I walked through the hallways and received glares from teachers who didn’t know me. I didn’t give anyone the chance to tell me to change. I did it myself. I came in late to first period because I ran out to my car to get leggings to put underneath my dress.

I understand the reason for a dress code. What I don’t understand is why my body had to become an object. What I don’t understand is why my body had to be labelled a “distraction.” What I don’t understand is why a boy’s education is a more valuable investment than mine. How dare you reduce me to a pair of breasts and legs when I have a strong heart and a quick mind and big plans for the future.

I will never regret attending school here. I will always be grateful for it because it showed me why I need feminism on a small scale which allowed me to understand and see the need for it on a larger, global scale too. I was surrounded with strong, beautiful, smart women who showed me that my education is just as valuable as any boys and I will always fight for that now that I know better.

PS: Both our valedictorian and salutatorian were girls. And 5/6 of the award winners were also female. We showed them.