I am a huge proponent of settling in relationships

‘The grass is rarely greener on the other side’


Millennials have this idea that we “shouldn’t settle for anything but the best,” especially in romantic pursuits. ‘Settle’ is a verb that means “to end (something, such as an argument) by reaching an agreement.” In this sense, settling isn’t necessarily bad because it allows for negotiation on both parts, resulting in a joint decision. However, to millennials, settling implies a loss of some sort. To settle is to concede a portion of your desires for the benefit of someone else’s (read: to compromise). But isn’t compromise supposed to strengthen a relationship? Is it really so bad to settle? I don’t think so.

I am a huge proponent of settling. Successful relationships require two people who are willing to communicate clearly, sacrifice for one another, compromise, develop trust, and, shockingly, settle. I don’t mean that people should settle for someone who makes them unhappy, treats them poorly, or is not a good fit. Rather, I mean that people should learn to settle for reality and real relationships, dismissing the thought that one day, maybe someone better will come along.

Before having a committed relationship, I, like many millennials, vowed to never settle for someone shy of perfect. Despite this belief, I found myself settling in my most recent relationship. I settled for someone who wasn’t the best at communication; I settled for someone who occasionally made awkward, nonsensical jokes; I settled for someone who wasn’t the most romantic or attentive; I settled for someone who forgot our dates and had to reschedule more than once; I settled for someone who wasn’t as politically correct or liberal as I tend to be; I settled for someone who, like myself, had flaws and was real.

Because of this settling, I found someone who made me happier than I had been with anyone else. Even though we went our separate ways this summer, I regret none of my settling. I found happiness, and I’ll settle for someone with imperfections again, because I know it will lead to another equally happy relationship.

In writing this piece, I found that many of my friends had also settled in their relationships, and those friends had some advice they wanted to share with settle-skeptic people. For their sake, I’ve maintained their anonymity, but their advice is certainly still applicable:

“When I’m single, I often forget that relationships are this never-ending emotional roller coaster, and you have to find someone who makes that constant up and down worth it. That person won’t be your perfect match, but if you both put in the effort, and you work towards a future together, it’ll be worthwhile.”

“I never would have thought I’d end up with someone like my husband, and he never would have thought he’d end up with me, but, because we dismissed our ‘checklists,’ we found happiness with each other and our imperfections.”

“Realizing that you’re happy with someone and being content with that happiness is so difficult. There are so many outlets for romance (Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, etc.), so it’s difficult not to wonder if you could be happier with someone else. You have to learn to settle for happiness because the grass is rarely greener on the other side.”