The reality of being a young adult with schizophrenia
Faced with a reality most of us couldn’t begin to imagine, this artist turned her hardships into inspiration
Think back to an average day when you were 17 years old – school, homework, and a little social life took up every day. Now imagine going through that day, and every day, with severe anxiety, insomnia, delusions, anger management issues, and even hallucinations that seemed as real as everything else. Hard, right? For Kate, a 17-year-old high school student in San Diego, that’s not left up to the imagination. For her, that’s life… every single day.
When Kate was only 10, her parents noticed an increase in some odd behavior, including anger issues, delusions and paranoia, but passed it off as teen angst or “just being a kid.” However, these issues worsened over the following years, leading to Kate’s parents seeking professional help. After countless tests and a number of doctors, Kate and her parents were faced with a hard truth: she had developed schizophrenia at only 16.
Unsure how to move forward, Kate’s parents tried not to treat her any differently – but life was very different for Kate. After a strange encounter with prescribed anti-depressants, Kate began seeing and hearing hallucinations in her everyday life. These were everything from alien-like creatures appearing out of nowhere, to stationary objects moving or changing in front of her (including her own hands sometimes), to random words or phrases coming from nowhere. On top of this, she developed insomnia and anxiety, alongside her existing conditions.
“I drew my face surrounded by my auditory hallucinations. I feel like this one is unique because I always draw the visual. The voices mostly say nonsense (on a good day). ‘I think I left my stove on’ ‘Blueberries’ ‘My J’ ‘No’ ‘Tone’ ‘What’ And so on.”
Deprived of sleep and a normal lifestyle, Kate’s grades suffered, as did her social life and previous hobbies. She nearly even gave up on art, an aspect of her life she had enjoyed since she was a child. Fortunately, her interest in art – and her sanity to some degree – were saved by an invitation to attend an art studio.
“The top left is named ‘5’; he showed up whenever I was in math class or doing math homework (he’s the reason I didn’t do so well in math, he made it hard to focus). The one on the right is Wednesday; he appeared whenever I was taking a bath, if I was swimming somewhere, etc. He liked to hang out in water or liquid, sometimes I would see him when I drank something – he gave me a lot of anxiety towards liquids. The bottom one is No Name. He just comes and goes as he pleases.”
“[After the invitation] is when I really started to take art seriously. I never really took art as a legitimate thing for myself seriously. I’ve always liked just doodling or drawing or painting stuff, but I’ve never really seen it as a career path. Once I started realizing I could actually do something with this, that’s when I started incorporating [my hallucinations] into it.”
Using her hallucinations as inspiration for art has helped Kate recognize these hallucinations as they come and separate them from real life: an ability many people with schizophrenia don’t have. Kate has since turned many of her recurring hallucinations into incredible pieces of art, from colorful animals to abstract paintings that help share a glimpse of Kate’s life.
Though there’s no telling what will appear, or what she’ll hear, Kate says she’s never afraid of the hallucinations and that they’re not hostile. Sometimes they’ll have a creepy appearance, but this is in line with Kate’s preferred artistic style, often times creating art in the style of Tim Burton’s or Alex Pardee’s work.
“This is a Joker, surrounded by the same color splotches I often see.”
Although she’s made great progress in how she manages these hallucinations and many of her other issues, life is still hard for Kate. She doesn’t follow a normal sleep cycle, she still struggles with anxiety, and occasionally has to miss days or weeks of school. Next year, she plans to be homeschooled to lessen the burden of such a fixed schedule, but still has her sights set on college, possibly to pursue a journalism or graphic design degree.
Her life may be tough, but Kate’s proven to be tougher, and she left me with a message that she wants everyone to hear: the way the media portrays schizophrenia and mental illness is far from reality. Most people with issues like hers lead perfectly happy lives, living alongside everyone else. They’re not threatening, they’re not deranged – they’re just a little different. And many make the most of it, like Kate, who’s transformed hallucinations into art.
“I’ve never really gotten out of the kid phase, where it’s like everything is art and everything is fun. I still like to do simple arts and crafts or play with molding clay. … So I guess since I was a kid until now, I’ve always liked art, because honestly, real life is just boring. Art’s essential in my life.”
“My hands are kind of an epicenter for weird hallucinations. They always change color have weird marks on them, or they’re crawling with some sort of ‘bug’. I started drawing the hand hallucinations because it was generally hard for people to wrap their minds around what I was describing. Most of the time it’s hard for myself to understand what I’m seeing. I have to hold my hand very still, because sometimes the hallucination will shift or move.”
To see more of Kate’s work or to contact her, visit her profile on Imgur: http://imgur.com/user/ThePsychoticArtist