Everything they actually should’ve taught us in college

I learned a lot in college. Some of which will be super helpful in life and a career and some of which probably will never matter, but it’s cool because I am confident that one day my knowledge of Native American Literature will help me win some super glamorous game show. Now that I have graduated, I realize there are some things that I should have probably learned in college but didn’t. Here is a very far from comprehensive list of the knowledge recent college grads are lacking.

How to get a job

This is the whole point of college, right? Okay so most colleges have tons of resources to help you make a resume and offer interview tips, and in my experience professors are very eager to offer advice and help work on your resume and cover letters with you, but I still don’t know how to prove myself to employers. If by some twist of fate some one does offer to pay me for my labor am I supposed to negotiate a salary? I wouldn’t want to change their mind by asking too much, but I also should prove that I can stand up for myself, right?

How to plan for the future

I have a “plan” because I am a responsible young adult, but the planning I’m referring to goes beyond my strategy of getting a kick ass job that will pay me millions of dollars so I can live happily ever after. I probably need a 401k, but when? Can I opt out of taxes? At what age do we really need to start saving for retirement, because I’m still just hoping I can pay rent. Instead of handing us a fake diploma at graduation, they should give us a cheat sheet for how and when to start doing this.

Everything insurance related

I’ll be honest, I really just don’t get it. Yes I understand that I need it, and probably for good reason, but there are so many kinds do I really need them all? Health insurance seems important, but there are still co-pays and deductibles plus you have to pay for it, so does it even save you money? If I don’t get health insurance will the hospital still help me? A cost-benefit analysis would really be helpful (if you have one please send it to me). What about life insurance, when do we start needing that? If I don’t drive I won’t need car insurance, so that sounds like a plan, but riddle me this: If I get hit by a car crossing the street and don’t have health insurance will the driver’s car insurance cover my medical bills? What if they don’t have car insurance? Help.

How to get good credit

I have seen the commercials, a good credit score is important. So how do you get a good credit score? Get a credit card and pay the bills on time: check. Is that it? Do I have good credit? I worry I’m missing something big. This would have been an easy one to teach us. During the first few minutes of class, the teacher could have just said hey by the way, to earn a good credit score you just have to __________. I don’t know what’s in the blank. Maybe I skipped that day? I didn’t because I’m a good student, but here’s a solid lesson plan for teachers. You’re welcome.

Adult-life etiquette

This one is tough, but important. People I know are getting married and having kids, and I’m not ready for it. I have a lot of questions about proper behavior in regards to major milestones in life. Is it assumed that guests get a plus one to a wedding? And what is the maximum amount of alcohol you’re allowed to consume before it’s considered inappropriate? I wouldn’t want the money spent on an open bar to go to waste. There are so many potential gifts, the engagement party, the bridal shower and the wedding. Can I just get one? When friends have kids do you have to meet them? What happens if people start getting divorced? Do you send flowers, or maybe just a nice card or friendly text? It’s probably just best to pretend you don’t know right? I have a feeling I am going to find out the answer to all of these questions the hard way.

Honorable Mentions

(some things that didn’t make the list but I still wish I learned)

How to properly file taxes.

How to drink alcohol and not get hungover.

How to make people like me without being weird.

How to sleep-in but not waste the day.

How to earn money by doing what I love (watching movies and petting dogs, oops).

Literally just how to adult.

Sure, some of these things would have been kind of hard to teach in a classroom setting. I’m just saying that as a recent college grad, the answers to these questions haunt me. Colleges should offer an Adulting 101 class to help us figure it all out.