My best friend is a child of divorce and it still affects her now

Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subject in this piece

Divorce is a subject that is not often discussed in front of people. Even though roughly half of the marriages in the United States end in divorce, it is still considered taboo to openly talk about. However, my best friend, Elizabeth, has begun to see how the divorce of her parents at a young age has affected her, especially now at the age of 20.

Talking with Elizabeth, I can better understand what it might feel like to come to terms with an experience that is so difficult and to come away from it feeling as though there have been no relationship role models in your life. In asking her a little bit about these role models, Elizabeth admits that “she has no relationship whatsoever with her father now whereas [she] would have before.”

Her parents used to regularly argue in front of her. Elizabeth would sit in her room and hear them yelling profanities back and forth in the hallway. They became separate people in front of her eyes, and they definitely did not intend to hide it from her. At this point, there was no demonstration of how to healthily work out disagreements between two partners. There was no direction as to how Elizabeth could navigate her own future relationships if ever a bumpy patch were to arise.

Now, throughout the current relationships Elizabeth has had, the repercussions of the divorce have come to a head. It’s difficult for her to hold on to any relationship for very long without feeling smothered and crave her independence. Even though she yearns for this space when she is in the relationship, she is never single – this is because when Liz is alone, she wants attention and the comfort a relationship brings with it that her parents were never able to give to her.

With beginning therapy and becoming more open to discussing what happened during her parent’s divorce, it is clear that Elizabeth was never shown a consistent and stable relationship. This has caused her to bounce from one romantic interest to another attempting to connect with them but never succeeding in wanting their company because she has no idea what that looks like. She describes herself as having “terrible commitment problems” which is very evident in her lack of stability in the relationship category. It seems impossible for her to hold onto one person for very long without them disappointing her in some way.

“I always had babysitters growing up which I think might be why I always want someone around,” Elizabeth explains.

Because Elizabeth has no role model for relationships, she is forced to create her own model for a healthy relationship. This is why there are so many trial and error lovers in her life. “My parents were always fighting,” she explains, “and that is why I can’t see myself getting along with anybody romantically for very long.” As she continues to push through different relationships, Elizabeth is learning more about herself than she ever thought she would. She is learning how to create her own version of a relationship separate from the one her parents demonstrated at such a young age.

Divorce can sometimes be taken lightly because of how common it is, but there is no denying the potentially destructive aftermath it leaves behind. Although my best friend has clearly been negatively affected by her own parent’s divorce, Liz is learning how to take this experience and turn it into something that can help her relationships in the future.