What your choice of fast food says about your political views

If I had to try and formulate this list before I started university, my views would probably have been very different on this subject. I would have thought you’d have your typical optimistic lefties roughing it eating slightly dodgy kebabs, whilst the moneyed Tories banquet on three Deliveroo orders at once. However, the stereotypes were all proved wrong. Whilst these rules may not necessarily apply to everyone, there are certainly some trends to be observed.

TORIES EAT EFES

Friendliest Tory in York.

The Tories are an interesting bunch at university, because none of them have yet developed into fully-fledged pessimistic right-wingers; in short, they still care…a bit. The freshers particularly attempt to disguise any traces of intensely right-wing views (which will inevitably become apparent in a drunken rant anyway) in order to fit in with the liberal and more politically optimistic youth of today. This is evident in their love of cheap kebabs, Efes of course being a favourite, as flaunting any sort of wealth would give them away. With the seamless disguise of chameleons, they ‘rough it’ with everybody else, which in many ways will appeal to them, as they probably have a long-term economic plan that doesn’t factor in weekly Domino’s deliveries. It is not until you realise quite how many takeaways they order per week that you can separate a Tory from the masses.

IT’S RED AND CHEAP

Food for the people.

Labour supporters, unlike Tories, are far more willing to tell you about their political stance. They’ll wear a red jumper or tie to a non-political event (and joke about it, even though they’re subconsciously serious). Honestly they have probably have already decided who are the Tories in their immediate vicinity so that they can relentlessly challenge their views from a towering moral high-ground. It seems logical that they are obsessed with McDonald’s, or perhaps KFC because not only are they very cheap and involves self-inflicted suffering, but they are also red. There is nothing a Labour supporter loves more than harmlessly displaying this support, whilst taking absolutely no action at all and ultimately still supporting a capitalist system which favours the social elite.

DELIVEROO IS FOOD FOR THE PEOPLE – IF THEY’RE MIDDLE CLASS

Please come back!

I think I love you!

Lib Dems are like Labour supporters but without the intense feeling of guilt every time they spend more than £10. This they show in their exciting and varied diet facilitated by Deliveroo. The Lib Dem is a care-free individual. They just like to see the man on the bike with his square backpack, even if he has brought an overpriced GBK delivery (and they didn’t even use a coupon).

GO GREEN

I’m feeling this might be my spiritual centre.

Does this match my aesthetic?

The Greens object to takeaways on a moral level. They have probably told you you ought to go vegan because you can definitely still get a healthy protein intake if you eat enough cashew nuts. They are just a product of our ugly capitalist greed and they aren’t vegan or packed in tie-dye, so frankly, what’s the point? The Greens eat out at niche vegan cafés probably named after an exotic fruit crammed with anti-oxidants. In fact, the Greens probably spend the most on their food out of all the political parties. The Greens are wholly unwilling to partake in takeaways of any sort, unless someone else (or the state) is paying. Whether it be a full meal with the bill footed by mother, or sneakily stealing a few chips here and there, the Greens are the biggest scroungers on the political spectrum. Just remember, you aren’t contributing to capitalism if you don’t pay.

A BRIEF NOTE ON UKIP

UKIP are like dementors – they feast on miserable souls.

Disclaimer: None of the people featured in these photographs necessarily share the views of the party they are depicting.