All the things black girls are tired of hearing

As a black girl you will face a lot of established preconceptions which are fundamentally flawed. Here are some of the worst things you can say to us.

“Why is your hair like that? Why does it bounce like that? Omg it’s so weird…by the way can I touch it?”

If you’re lucky enough they might ask, if you’re unlucky they’ll start tugging your hair on the middle of the dance floor – yes that happens. If you’re a black girl you grow used to comments about your hair and you soon learn it’s not acceptable unless it’s hidden, straightened or you shave your hair off. You can’t wear braids because they’re unprofessional and if you dare to wear a weave you’ll be accused of reverse cultural appropriation – the struggle is real.

“Omg you’re so sassy!”

We have mainstream media to thank for this stereotype. You can all picture her before I even say it: curvy, loud and always coming us with funny little sassy quips. As a child I can remember Helen on Drake & Josh being the perfect embodiment of such. The only black woman on the show and she definitely had a job to do.

Roll back the clock to 1939 and you’ll find the OG black sass queen in Hattie McDaniel. Yes I respect the fact that she was the first black person to win an Oscar, but the role she played perpetrated all kinds of wrong. Loud – check. Annoying – check. Curvy – check. There you go – definitely sassy.

The sassy stereotype is perhaps one of the most irritating because as a black woman, people genuinely start expecting you to enter a room snapping your fingers, shaking your head and screaming about fried chicken.

Just no.

“If you’re black why don’t you have a bum like Nicki Minaj?”

Well for starters not all black women are genetic clones. Secondly, I can’t afford surgery.   

“OMG, teach me how to twerk”

Honestly people assume you’re some sort of twerking machine. No, random girl in the club toilets, I will not be teaching you how to twerk on this occasion. 

As ridiculous as this sounds it’s happened to me on multiple occasions. In such as situation you’re just waiting for everyone to get the popcorn out and make a stage for you. Pathetic.

No, i’m not going to twerk for you

“I bet you have the best singing voice”

Being a black girl doesn’t make me Whoopi Goldberg. I’m completely tone deaf and couldn’t sing a Sister Act tune properly if my life depended on it.

 “I love Beyoncé”

Congratulations, do you expect this to make me automatically fall in love with you?

“You’re so pretty for a black girl”

How do you expect me to respond to this? Seriously? Am I supposed to thank you for your kindness in affirming that I am in fact beautiful despite the horrendous affliction I’m cursed with due to my skin colour.

I am the lucky one because obviously all of us black women must be naturally ugly. Thank you for taking the time to reassure me honestly.

“I’ve never gotten with a black girl before”

I am so glad I could be your token first. Perfect response: “I’ve never gotten with someone quite as thick as you before.” Should shut them up.

“Do you know how to make fried chicken?”

No, but I can direct you to the nearest KFC – the colonel’s always there to help you out.

“Why are you so aggressive?”

The aggressive black girl stereotype is the most pathetic of them all and it starts from a young age. You’re six years old and that girl that you thought was your friend gets in trouble for something. According to her, you told her to do it. That’s it- you’re off to the headmaster’s office.

At secondary school you can’t so much as laugh loudly without being accused of rowdy behaviour. By sixth form you know that if there are too many of you in one place at time it’s bound to garner attention.

As a black girl you learn to subdue yourself in nearly every situation because you never know when someone will whip the violent, aggressive black girl card on you.

“You aren’t like other black girls” 

Honey, the stereotypical sassy, fried-chicken loving, mummy character you see on sitcoms is not every black woman to exist. Just like you we are normal people with all different characteristics.

The only common fact about us black women is that we are all fabulous. Stay woke.