I don’t care if you’re turned off by my Birmingham accent

When being single you’ll encounter some terrible people. They’re cringe worthy, make awkward passive-aggressive jokes and have so much over-the-top confidence you end up wanting to book a one-way flight down to the southern hemisphere with no return. You’re now totally regretting swiping right on Tinder, eh?

However, you’ve never felt more single than when you have a Birmingham accent outside of the promised land itself. People turn their nose up at you as soon as you open your mouth, even if what you’ve just said has topped anything Einstein ever came up with – people just don’t have time for you.

Single forever

So the boy you matched with a few days ago just messaged you, ace news. You start talking and all seems well, he’s got good chat and he’s actually not putting you into the deepest sleep of the century by going on and on about his gap year – for the record a few photos and a story or two is more than enough guys, I don’t need to feel like I’m reliving your gap year when I’ve only just met you, snore.

Unfortunately, here comes the inevitable question “So, where are you originally from?”. What would be a simple reply if I was from anywhere else in the UK, is actually the start of degrading jokes made at me or the end of all interactions with this boy. “I’m from Birmingham, you?”.

What’s wrong with Birmingham girls?

So what makes your accent better than mine? It’s just an accent and they don’t need to be ranked in order of attractiveness. By doing so, you’re just trying to make someone feel shit for something they have no control over. It’s just how my voice sounds, unmatch me on Tinder and get over it.

You could be the most attractive person I’ve ever met, but if you proceed to make jokes about my accent you’re only embarrassing yourself. You’re not superior to me, you’re actually now way below me because even when you talk my head off with your snooty accent, I’ll still be there biting my tongue not telling you how much you sound like an absolute tosser.

No boyfriend needed

What’s even funnier than my accent, is that the majority of boys actually care that I have it. I’ve had more than one occasion when boys have told me to stop talking, because it would “sound better if I just didn’t talk” – brutal. In fact, what would sound better is you shutting up and getting your 2/10 sweaty face away from me.

Cheers

I think the lesson for all the would-be haters out there is simply ‘I don’t give a shit’. As a proud Brummy gal all I can say is that if you’re bothered by my accent I think I’ve dodged a non-Midlands bullet by avoiding you.