Stop thinking I’m stupid just because I have a Midlands accent

It’s no secret that the Birmingham accent is the most ridiculed in the country.

The Brummie accent was recently rated the least intelligent in the country – even ranking below staying silent. This means that I’m mocked for my dialect everywhere I go. Stepping outside the West Midlands seems to give people the licence to rip into me.

Having lived in Birmingham for 18 years before moving to university, I didn’t realise how stupid I apparently sound. My flatmates dismayed when they first heard my accent. They were overly polite in the first few weeks, nodded their head and laughed when they didn’t understand me. But the question “sorry, what was that?” was quickly replaced by “I’M FROM BUUUUURMINUM” every time someone failed to hear what I said.

Fuck the rest

I started to get self-conscious about my accent when I spoke. When a particularly Brum-sounding word came out  bouts of mocking laughter and several imitations followed. “Facebook” slowly turned into “facebuk”. “Buttery toast” became “BUTTARY TOWST”. And I was ridiculed whenever I said “chicken chow mein”. I heckled with the these words now.

I quickly earned the nickname “Brummy Will” which, based off everyone’s clear perception of Birmingham, despite next to no one actually having visited, turned into “Scummy Will”.

‘BUTTARY TOWST’

But Birmingham really isn’t all that bad. Great things have come from our city: Ozzy Osbourne, the Balti curry and HP sauce – perhaps the best products ever produced by the UK.

We also have more 24 hour McDonalds than anyone could ever possibly need.

Still, conversations about hometowns when meeting new people quickly die out when I’m involved. As soon as Birmingham is mentioned people avert their eyes to the floor and quickly divert conversation to a different topic, afraid to cause offence by letting slip the horrendous rumours they have heard about my home town.

On the rare , fortunate occasion that you do find another student from Birmingham, conversation soon becomes limited to just the two of you, with people soon becoming tired of their own voice mimicking you both after a few minutes whilst you proudly disregard them, finding solace in your fellow brummie.

But, most importantly, these people miss a crucial point: the Bristol accent is easily the worst accent in the UK.

If you’ve ever been unfortunate enough to be dragged into a conversation with an old Bristolian, drunk off their favourite local 16 per cent scrumpy cider, there’s no doubt it’s the foulest in the UK. Bristolian dialect just makes no sense. Being greeted with “Y’ALLLRITE ME LUVVERRR” is nothing short of intimidating and awkward, and god knows whatever “gert lush” actually means. Bloody farmers.

Really, the only ever good thing to come out of Bristol is super strength cider – and that’s only fun if you’re 16-years-old in your local park on a Friday night.

I know I’d take Ozzy Osbourne over that any day.